Acidity of Regret Ch 108
- Mar 1
- 7 min read
Her encounter at the Brahms Flower Festival suddenly flashed through her mind.
Had he let her go so easily back then, only because he planned to annihilate those who threatened her afterward?
Looking at his demeanor now, it was obvious he had intended to keep her in the dark.
The realization that he had been courting trouble for her sake stirred a foreign emotion deep within her. As that feeling threatened to evaporate her logic, he muttered like a weary sigh.
[Declan] "I thought handling the bandits would be enough, but now a gardener? No matter how much I clear the path around you, these bottom-feeders keep coming......"
[Vanessa] "What are you talking about? Clearing the path?"
His grumbling contained a detail too sharp to ignore.
When she pounced on his words with surgical precision, a flash of regret crossed his face. He looked like a man who had accidentally leaked a state secret he was sworn to protect. He clamped his mouth shut instantly, as if he had never been speaking at all.
Her brow hardened with resolve.
[Vanessa] "Declan."
[Declan] "......"
He usually maintained a low posture, acting as though he would offer his very life if she demanded it, yet for once, he remained stubbornly silent.
It was a futile resistance. She gripped his jaw, forcing his head around until he had no choice but to face her. The moment their eyes met, his high-saturation blue pupils trembled slightly.
This was a physical confrontation he could end in a heartbeat. He possessed a level of martial prowess that yielded to no one; he could have easily shrugged off her strength.
Yet, he did not move. The thought of such a defiant act never even crossed his mind. He sat there, ready to swallow poison if she were to pour it down his throat while holding him like this.
[Vanessa] "What are you hiding from me... again?"
Her aura grew colder than the cavern air. Sensing the shift, he let out a faint, hollow groan. It was the sound of a man who didn't want to break but knew he had already been defeated.
He lowered his gaze, his lips twitching for a long moment before he spoke.
[Declan] "......Three years ago, I saw you encounter a group of street thugs."
The story he finally dragged out belonged to a past she could barely recall.
Three years ago? She calculated the timeline.
She remembered it eventually.
It happened shortly after she arrived at the Count's estate. She had gone to the market for the first time with Dina and caught the eye of some local riffraff. At the time, she had a knight guarding her, so the situation ended without incident. It was a memory she had let slip through her fingers like sand.
And Declan had seen it?
[Declan] "I despise it when those who don't know their place approach you."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I hate it so much I want to snap their necks on the spot."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "But I knew I couldn't appear before you. I knew I had no right to interfere. So...... I have been handling things quietly, without your knowledge."
She blinked slowly. It felt like she was listening to a story that had nothing to do with her. Yet, as the internal logic clicked into place, a realization dawned on her.
She had often wondered why the Evarn Countship enjoyed such impeccable public safety. How had her life been so peaceful and secure for two years, even when she traveled without a single guard?
The questions she had always overlooked as mere luck suddenly amplified.
The Evarn territory was small, but it was a port town where foreigners and merchant groups frequently cycled through. Such high traffic inevitably attracted a criminal element. Yet, after that one incident three years ago, she had never faced a single threat.
Why was she only questioning this now?
It was because of her own unshakable conviction. She believed that being near Declan Vinkart guaranteed misery. Therefore, she assumed that the peace in her life was a direct result of his absence. She thought everything had become comfortable and smooth simply because he was gone.
She was wrong.
The peace that surrounded her—like gentle ripples on water, like a sunlit forest path, like a scene from a fairy tale—existed because of this man’s shadow-like assistance.
It was thanks to him, who had protected her secretly and subtly so that his presence wouldn't be exposed by the harsh light of day.
She hadn't known a thing.
Not for three whole years.
Today was no different. If she hadn't been chased by Tommy and climbed the Siltria Mountains, she never would have encountered him exterminating the bandits.
Later, when she heard the news that the bandits were gone, she would have dismissed it as a coincidence and felt relieved that things had worked out.
Without this chance encounter, she would have remained blind to the truth forever.
As the reality of the situation sank in, a bitter taste rose in her throat.
[Vanessa] "......When I told you not to come looking for me, it didn't just mean I didn't want to see your face."
Her fingers curled, digging into his shoulders.
[Vanessa] "It meant I wanted you to stay out of my life entirely."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "You understood that."
She didn't believe for a second that he had misunderstood.
That day, their parting hadn't been ambiguous enough for Declan to harbor any false hope.
Vanessa had been ice; he had been fire. An accidental equilibrium had been reached. It was a separation where both parties perfectly understood exactly what the other meant.
[Vanessa] "You said it yourself—that you understood, that you would do as I asked."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "And yet, you are this shameless......"
She lashed out at him, weaponizing the past. She had to, or else the core foundation of her identity might shatter.
Declan Vinkart is my misfortune. He is evil, the abyss, and hell itself. I must never set foot in his world again.
This was the absolute truth she had forced herself to swallow every time she risked forgetting.
But his hidden efforts shook that very premise. The peace that allowed her to find herself had been maintained under his protection.
Declan is misfortune itself to me... so how could he be the one protecting me from misfortune?
[Declan] "I intended to leave. I swear."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "But I cannot."
The man who had been so lethal toward the bandits, the man who showed a frost-cold side that would leave an enemy's bones unrecovered, now spoke with a voice so fragile he seemed ready to collapse.
[Declan] "I simply cannot do it."
In the past, his blue eyes always seemed to be calculating how to hurt her. Cold selfishness was all she remembered.
But now, the eyes that used to plead only for his own pain and sorrow reflected only her. It was as if her hand alone controlled his every emotion.
And he didn't even try to hide it.
[Declan] "I cannot give you up."
His pupils wavered like a candle flame in a gale. He grimaced, looking as though he were losing his mind over his own lack of control—as if his reason refused to obey him.
Defeated and broken, he buried his face in her shoulder.
Their torsos pressed closer, and her hand instinctively wrapped around his neck. She noticed the bandage on his nape had also loosened from the water.
Her fingers slipped beneath the white fabric. She froze at the sensation. Her skin grazed a rough, jagged texture that shouldn't have been there. She traced the marks slowly.
He knew what she was doing, but he didn't stop her.
His nape was covered in scar tissue—flesh that had been brutally torn and grown back in uneven ridges. She didn't need to see it to know the severity; her fingertips told the whole story.
In fact, she didn't want to see it. Just touching it allowed her to guess the extent of the damage.
And beyond that, she knew what these scars signified.
[Vanessa] "......"
It felt ridiculous to judge him based on this alone, yet she felt she finally understood what kind of life Declan had been leading.
A dark fog settled in her chest, making it hard to breathe. Just as she couldn't forgive herself for not being able to scrub away her feelings for him, she couldn't understand why he was now clinging to her so desperately.
[Vanessa] "I... I don't know what you want from me."
[Declan] "Vanessa."
[Vanessa] "Why are you doing this now, after treating me so poorly?"
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "You destroyed me, my world, and my baby for your own greed......"
Why is this man doing this?
He had shattered everything without a hint of guilt, so why was he struggling so hard to get it back now?
As she chewed on that unacceptable reality, heat boiled up from within her. It was a familiar, loathsome rage.
[Vanessa] "Just act like you used to. Don't pretend to be someone else now."
[Declan] "......"
[Declan] "Stop trying to seek forgiveness and just be the pathetic, cruel man you were."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "Just let me hate you!"
If she couldn't wash away the resentment, she wanted to keep him as someone she could hate forever. So that one day, when she looked back, she could view him as a terrible stain on her life—a fatal mistake.
She shoved against his chest. The distance between them grew, and the blanket began to slide down. In the storm of her emotions, she forgot the cold for a moment.
[Declan] "Then hate me."
But it was Declan, not Vanessa, who grew frantic at the encroaching chill. He reflexively pulled her shivering body back into his embrace, meticulously tucking the blanket around her.
[Declan] "Hate me. Wish that someone like me would rot in hell. Pray that I never find a moment of happiness there."
The heat radiating from his powerful frame still felt wrong.
He isn't supposed to be this warm.
He had never held her with such heat before. It felt like another trick, a shallow scheme to deceive her. His warmth invaded her, gnawing uncomfortably at her insides.
[Declan] "But do it in front of me."
She was the one feeling the discomfort, yet he was the one acting desperate.
[Declan] "Resent me, condemn me—I will take it all gladly. Just do it where I can see you. Please."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I am too terrified to leave your side. If you go far away... I feel like I will die."
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