Acidity of Regret Ch 113
- Mar 2
- 8 min read
[Dina] "My Lady."
Thanks to the relentless barrage of gifts over the past few days, Vanessa had reached a point where even the sound of Dina calling her name sent a chill down her spine.
Lowering the book she was reading, she looked up. Dina stood at the door, wearing an expression of pure bewilderment—a look so familiar it stirred a sense of déjà vu.
Feigning ignorance of the vivid premonition, she asked casually.
[Vanessa] "What is it?"
[Dina] "A visitor has come to see you, but......"
Her hesitant response made Vanessa's brow furrow. It was exactly what she had expected.
Did he still not understand after being rejected so many times? What on earth had arrived this time to make Dina look so flustered?
She let out a faint sigh and slipped off the couch. Stepping naturally, as if she had never been injured, she approached the door.
The moment she stepped out, she flinched at the feast of crimson thrust right under her nose.
[Carter] "It has been a long time, My Lady."
[Vanessa] "...Aide?"
The unexpected visitor was quite familiar today. It was Carter, Declan's aide. This was the first time she had seen him since he helped her escape. However, she had no time to process any feelings toward him, as all her attention was consumed by what was being held out to her.
[Vanessa] "This is......"
He was holding a lavish bouquet of roses. The blossoms sparkled unusually bright, dusted with fine gold powder.
[Carter] "A gift from His Grace."
The surprise in her eyes faded, quickly replaced by weariness. She looked down at the bouquet with a calm, settled face.
Carter swallowed hard, unnerved by her bleached expression, devoid of any emotion. A well-founded doubt arose in his mind:
Did she reject all of the Grand Duke's gifts with a face like that?
She stared at the blooming petals for a long moment before her elegant lips moved.
[Vanessa] "They are pretty."
Thinking this was a somewhat positive signal, Carter, who had been sweating bullets, was about to beam—
[Vanessa] "So, tell him to decorate his office with them."
She finished her answer and turned around without hesitation. At her reaction, cold as thin ice, his jaw dropped, and he hurriedly grabbed her.
[Carter] "My Lady, please accept them!"
His attitude was so desperate that she couldn't help but pause.
[Carter] "If I return like this, I might be severely scolded by him. Why do you think he sent me to you directly in the first place?"
His voice was quite frantic, as if someone facing a dreaded event. The hardship of bearing the brunt of Declan's temper was conveyed vividly to Vanessa.
Personally, she had no ill feelings toward Carter. Far from it—she felt a certain gratitude for his help when she was kidnapped. He was also one of the few people who had treated her politely before her regression.
Declan likely sent his aide knowing this...…
After some deliberation, she sighed and took the bouquet from his hand.
[Vanessa] "I will accept it just this once, so tell him not to send anything else."
His face, which had been on the verge of tears, brightened instantly at her action.
[Carter] "A wise decision, My Lady. If you had refused this time as well, he would have been so anxious that he likely would have continued sending everything he prepared."
[Vanessa] "What is he preparing?"
Holding the flowers, a fragrant scent wafted up. Thinking it smelled even sweeter than usual roses, she asked, and Carter let out an awkward laugh.
Sensing there was more to his scheme, she stared at him intently. Unable to withstand the profound pressure in her gaze, Carter eventually spilled everything.
[Carter] "There is a white horse imported at a high price from a foreign merchant guild, and also a pleasure boat for riding on the sea or a lake......"
She doubted her ears for a moment. She was speechless for a second, closing her eyes deeply before opening them again.
A live horse and what, a boat?
At this point, she couldn't help but demand an explanation.
[Vanessa] "Why on earth is he doing this?"
[Carter] "Pardon?"
[Vanessa] "Why does he keep sending me such things lately?"
[Carter] "Ah, well, actually, I only learned this recently myself, but he sent them hoping you might take up a hobby."
[Vanessa] "......A hobby?"
[Carter] "Yes."
Her eyes rolled in thought.
Come to think of it, when she said she couldn't play the instruments the other day, the deliveryman mentioned there was an instruction to attach a teacher if she wished.
So his intention was genuinely to have her learn?
In other words, hoping it would become my hobby.
[Carter] "As you know better than anyone, My Lady, his methods of expression fall far short of his overflowing heart."
[Vanessa] "...I know that well. There wasn't just one or two things he did in that manner."
Her sharp remark was directed at Declan, not the man in front of her, but Carter felt a chill run down his spine for no reason.
Fearing she might return the bouquet she had barely accepted, he thought he should leave quickly.
Vanessa, easily noticing his intent, spoke to him.
[Vanessa] "Tell him I accepted this time, so he shouldn't send anything more."
[Carter] "......"
[Vanessa] "And tell him if he sends even one more thing, I will withdraw my decision."
[Carter] "Pardon? What decision do you mean......"
[Vanessa] "Tell him, and he will know."
It was about the permission to stay here. Carter couldn't possibly know, so he might be bewildered, but Declan, who had begged desperately with tears for that permission, would understand instantly.
[Carter] "Yes, then I shall take my leave."
As she watched him bow and turn to leave, she inadvertently grabbed him.
[Vanessa] "Um, Carter."
[Carter] "Yes?"
[Vanessa] "Before... I saw a wound on his neck."
Vanessa herself had no idea why she brought this up.
It was entirely because she had touched that scar that day. Even as she spent day after day back at the mansion, the texture occasionally surfaced in her mind.
The traces of fierce slashes that had scratched sharply enough to sting her fingertips......
[Carter] "Ah, you saw that."
It seemed to be an unexpected topic, as Carter couldn't hide his surprise. Judging by his subsequent reaction, he was also taking it seriously enough.
[Vanessa] "Treatment......"
[Carter] "Well, for some reason, he keeps refusing treatment."
[Vanessa] "Refusing?"
[Carter] "Far from treatment, he dislikes even showing the wound, so we can't even examine it closely every time. Not only that, but he also has secondary symptoms like insomnia, yet he keeps refusing everything......"
Insomnia.
Hearing that word, she recalled the flower festival where she had encountered him.
So, the reason his eyes had been exceptionally clouded as he leaned against the wall was that?
The more she heard about his condition, the more amazing it seemed that he had endured with her in the cave.
On the other hand, Carter's words that Declan was sensitive about the wound were quite unexpected. Because he hadn't stopped her once when she slowly traced and touched it. Rather, he had accepted her touch very calmly, as if he were being healed.
[Vanessa] "...Do you know the reason for his symptoms?"
[Carter] "Since he rejects the suggestion of treatment every time, I couldn't find out the detailed reason. However, once, after enduring and enduring, he collapsed, and while he was sick, he kept saying that someone must not die. Perhaps he had a terrible nightmare......"
[Vanessa] "......"
[Carter] "If you are alright with it, My Lady, perhaps you could suggest treatment....... Ah, no. Forget it. I spoke out of turn."
Carter, who had been muttering unknowingly while revealing his concern about an issue he couldn't readily solve, belatedly looked as if he had misspoken.
Vanessa offered a silent bow as he politely said goodbye again.
Only after his retreating figure disappeared from her sight did she enter the bedroom and look down at the bouquet in her arms.
[Carter] "While he was sick, he kept saying that someone must not die."
[Declan] "I only need to check that you are safe......"
Unlike Carter, who couldn't even guess his inner thoughts, she could vaguely understand.
The scar on his neck was his fear of her death itself. The anxiety flowed out because he couldn't suppress it even when sober.
The result manifested unconsciously was the tattered nape of his neck. The scar that perhaps she was the only one in this world to have felt with her fingertips.
[Carter] "He sent them hoping you might take up a hobby."
When her thoughts reached that point, she could guess that the gift offensive of the past few days was also an attempt to resolve that anxiety.
Declan wanted to provide her with something to attach her heart to in this world, whatever it might be. To the extent of mobilizing everything from dresses and jewelry that any noble lady would generally like, to instruments, and even all sorts of other things.
Knowing well that it couldn't be him, it was an act of desperation to hold onto her even with material things.
[Dina] "Wow, the roses are sparkling."
She gasped as she examined the roses on the table. Then, gauging Vanessa's mood, she asked.
[Dina] "Shall I prepare a vase?"
[Vanessa] "......No, just leave them."
[Dina] "They'll dry out if left like this."
[Vanessa] "So leave them."
It was obvious that her insides would be unsettled every time she saw the roses. But since she couldn't throw away what she had received right away, she wanted them to wither quickly so she could clear them from her sight.
Vanessa sat back on the couch and opened the book she had been reading.
Silence lingered in the bedroom where Dina had quietly withdrawn. It was an environment perfect for reading, but strangely, she couldn't concentrate at all.
Reading a few lines dryly, she eventually shut the book at Carter's words circling in her head.
Resting her chin on her hand, she stared at the bouquet on the table. Even from a distance, the glittering brilliance pierced her eyes repeatedly.
Frowning, whether because of that or for some other reason, she harbored a question.
Why sprinkle gold powder on something that will wither anyway?
Why put so much effort into something that won't be eternal?
Why... is he struggling so desperately for me?
[Declan] "I don't care about Hayden anymore. Whether that bastard is happy or miserable is none of my concern."
[Declan] "So, it is correct that I love you."
A confession that was as good as an answer to that question, exceptionally firm, came to mind.
She didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it.
To turn her surroundings into such a wasteland and then speak of love now. How could she believe that to be true?
That was why she thought, even immediately after their reunion, that he still couldn't perfectly distinguish between inferiority and love.
But, having come this far, such denial was meaningless. She had no choice but to acknowledge his belated confession of love.
Declan's heart was like the gold powder sprinkled on those roses. A vain luxury where he had no choice but to willingly give her everything, knowing it might eventually become useless.
She slowly closed her eyes and opened them. It felt as if the brilliant, radiant red was dizzyingly dyeing her vision.
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