Acidity of Regret Ch 117
- Mar 2
- 7 min read
Her hand clenched tightly over the folds of her dress. She stared at her father blankly, unaware of the ugly wrinkles forming on the fabric. Following his apology, the unexpected revelation had momentarily bleached her mind white.
[Count] "Not long after the problem arose, a massive investment came in under the guise of sponsorship. Several times, in fact. And the blocked supply lines were reconnected through routes in another empire, resolving the issue."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Count] "I was so frantic putting out the urgent fires that I had no time to look into it. After everything settled, I tried to find the sponsor to offer my thanks, but I couldn't find a trace."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Count] "It was a crisis that could have shaken the family to its core, so I wanted to express my gratitude somehow. After persistently tracking it, I found a clue only now, two years later. The source of all those funds was the Duchy."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Count] "What connection does our family have in the Duchy to offer such help? So...... thinking it was the Grand Duke's assistance isn't just my delusion, is it?"
When the story reached that point, she buried her face in her hands. Even sitting still, the dizzying sensation spinning before her eyes became too intense. She couldn't tell if it was a headache or if her insides were boiling over.
[Count] "Vanessa?"
Startled by her appearance, the Count quickly reached out. She lifted her head, feeling her father's hand patting her shoulder.
[Vanessa] "I am fine."
[Count] "I must have said something useless to upset you again."
She could neither affirm nor deny his words, because she felt both. The regret of wishing she hadn't dug deeper tangled fiercely with the relief of knowing even now.
The inside of her throat sizzled as if seared by a hot iron. She had no time to identify the confusing emotions surging up within her.
Just before her heart crumbled under the chaos, someone knocked on the drawing room door. The sound startled her precarious mind awake.
[Butler] "Excuse me."
The protagonist of the sudden knock was the butler.
[Butler] "The Master plans to have luncheon, and he sent me to ask if you two would like to join."
[Vanessa] "Let's talk later, Father."
Quickly composing her reeling heart, she managed her expression to look calm and spoke to her father.
As if noticing her feelings, he patted the back of her hand and stood up.
In the dining hall, the members of the Evarn family, who had been catching up like Vanessa and her father, were gathered. The current Count of Evarn was a man with a neat and tidy impression, resembling the Former Count.
They exchanged brief greetings and took their seats. Because the group's arrival had been delayed, a late luncheon was prepared.
Vanessa, poking at her food without an appetite, flinched at a sudden sound ringing in her ears.
[Maid] "Um, I apologize, Master."
A maid approached the table, holding something in her arms and asking for pardon. She went to the side of the Countess of Evarn.
[Maid] "The young master woke up and won't stop crying......"
[Countess] "Give him to me."
The Countess naturally took the baby from the maid. The infant, wailing loud enough to shake the dining hall, finally stopped crying only after being held in his mother's arms.
Coincidentally seated next to her, Vanessa had to take in every detail of that scene.
[Former Count] "Ah, right. Vanessa. This must be your first time seeing my grandson."
The Former Count, seated at the head of the table, spoke with a voice clearly steeped in laughter.
Even at his voice, Vanessa couldn't lift her head, staring only at the baby in the Countess' arms. She couldn't take her eyes off the tiny, wriggling hands and feet, and the large eyes blinking incessantly.
As her intent gaze lingered longer than expected, everyone around the table was soon watching the scene.
[Countess] "Would you like to hold him?"
Perhaps interpreting the intense gaze that way, the Countess asked with a smile. Even at the trivial question, Vanessa gasped in surprise, inhaling sharply.
[Vanessa] "May...... I?"
[Countess] "Of course. Here."
The Countess handed the baby to her with a stable posture.
The moment the very weak and tiny life form was placed in her arms, she felt her heart drop with a thud to the floor.
[Countess] "Oh my, he usually cries when held by strangers."
[Count] "It seems he likes Lady Rohawk's embrace."
The Countess and the Count exclaimed in turn. As they said, the wriggling baby was held quietly as if lying in a cradle.
Unable to relax, Vanessa swallowed hard and touched the baby's hand. The tiny palm curled inward, wrapping tightly around two of her fingers.
[Vanessa] "......!"
The warmth, the strength, the texture caused a massive ripple inside her in an instant. A spray breaking the calmness of the water's surface surged inward.
To swallow the emotions welling up from within, she had to bite her lip. At some point, she was chewing on it until it bled.
It was then. The baby, gripping her finger tight, lifted the corners of his pretty mouth and smiled brightly.
She stared at that scene, mesmerized.
Before long, an earthquake occurred as if something inside her, which had been cracking little by little, completely collapsed. The baby's smile, seen for the first time today, utterly destroyed the walls guarding her heart.
She hurriedly handed the baby back to the Countess.
[Vanessa] "I, j-just a moment."
And she bolted from her seat. Her eyes were stinging.
[Vanessa] "I'm not feeling well, so I'll leave early."
[Count] "Vanessa?"
Despite the puzzled reactions of those present, Vanessa couldn't offer any further explanation and fled the dining hall. As if chased by something.
Leaning against the closed door, she covered her lips with her hand. She felt chased, indeed. If she had stayed even a moment longer, she felt she would have expressed a deep, dizzying sorrow that no one could understand.
Sharp daggers clung to her heart, stabbing here and there. She tried to shake off the pain by holding her breath, but it wasn't easy.
Normally, she would have calmed down long ago, but today, she couldn't. Because the existence she thought she had buried well had revived unexpectedly and ruthlessly distorted her mind and body.
[Dina] "My Lady?"
It was when she finally left the front of the dining hall and took a step in any direction. Someone popped out with a familiar, lively voice. Gasping for breath, Vanessa looked at Dina blocking her path.
[Dina] "Why did you come out already? Is the meal finished?"
[Vanessa] "I'm just going to get some air."
[Dina] "Now? Then I'll bring something to wear since the weather is cold today."
[Vanessa] "No. I want to go alone."
She acted hastily, as if someone were still chasing her. Perhaps noticing her attitude was slightly different from usual, Dina looked perplexed and spoke quickly.
[Dina] "I can't send you alone. You know that."
[Vanessa] "It's fine."
[Dina] "You'll be cold without a coat...... will you be alright?"
[Vanessa] "Dina!"
Dina, who was scurrying after her, flinched at the cold shout. She examined Vanessa with an anxiously frozen gaze. Conversely, Vanessa had no room to consider her expression.
[Vanessa] "I said it's fine."
[Dina] "My Lady."
[Vanessa] "I'm going alone."
[Dina] "Is something wrong?"
She was a mistress who had never once raised her voice at her during all the time she served her. In other words, it meant her current state was incomparably unstable compared to usual. She couldn't help but worry.
Just as Dina felt, Vanessa's complexion was precarious. Her patience and composure, stacked crookedly, seemed ready to collapse at any moment. If they all poured out and became a mess, it would be her ugly side she didn't want anyone to see.
[Vanessa] "I really want to be alone right now."
[Dina] "......"
[Vanessa] "Don't follow me, please."
As if refusing to hear any further rebuttal, Vanessa turned her back firmly. But compared to that cold attitude, her steps were unstable, as if she would collapse at any moment.
The sound of water brushed her ears repeatedly.
However, today she didn't even have the luxury to enjoy contemplation. Her mind was blank, as if the water rushing in endlessly filled her head instead of her ears.
She didn't want to think about anything. Because whatever she thought, the events in the dining hall moments ago seemed likely to surface.
It felt as if someone were putting her through a cruel test.
Giving peace, then giving hardships distinct from it. Giving stability one day, then giving trials as if mocking it. It seemed as if someone were watching moment by moment how her emotions changed extremely as she encountered affirmation and denial, black and white, one by one.
It was when she was walking and walking for a long time, unable to find her wits.
[Vanessa] "......"
It was a coincidence.
Realizing that there were two shadows caught in her vision.
The shadow was located far away from hers, so it didn't seem like a threat at all. That was identical to the attitude Declan Vinkart showed her since coming down here.
Always in a place she couldn't discover unless she paid attention first, he was silently guarding her back like a shadow.
Even though it was a fact she knew well, her chest heaved violently as if she had realized it anew. It was no different from the feeling that festered inside her during the tournament, a time she should now dismiss as the past.
When she stopped moving, the shadow following her also stopped.
The sunlight was strong enough even now, but she wished it would shine so brightly it blinded her. So that shadow would disappear. So it wouldn't be caught in her vision.
But contrary to her wish, the sunlight still emitted rays of appropriate intensity, and the shadow was clear.
She inhaled deeply as if taking a deep breath and exhaled. And turning her body, which had been thoroughly staring straight ahead, she trudged toward the shadow guarding her back—no, toward that man.
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