Acidity of Regret Ch 118
- Mar 2
- 7 min read
Even today, he looked striking enough to turn the atmospheric beach into a masterpiece. The bandages wrapped around his neck and left hand failed to mar the picture. Instead, his presence transformed those crude injuries into another aesthetic element.
However, the beautiful scenery evoked zero inspiration within her. Rather than inspiration, his appearance only dredged up memories of the atrocities he committed against her.
Then, the unexpected stories her father shared rushed back into her mind, and a moment later......
[Vanessa] "Don't follow me."
She spoke, masking her chaotic, twisted emotions.
Declan, failing to hide his tension since she approached, swallowed hard at her frigid tone.
For at least three weeks, she allowed him to accompany her from a distance, yet after disappearing for a moment, she returned with absolute hostility. The sudden shift baffled him.
More than her attitude, however, he could not tear his gaze away from her unusually exhausted face.
That familiar, sickening anxiety surged up once more. Suppressing it, he called out to her softly.
[Declan] "Vanessa."
Despite his voice, she refused to look at him.
Because of that, a completely different scene unfolded. Normally, she stared daggers at him while he busily avoided her eyes. Today, the roles are reversed.
Moments later, her light gasps broke the silence.
It made no sense. She never sprinted after stepping out onto the beach. She engaged in no strenuous activity. Therefore, her erratic breathing lacked any logical cause.
[Declan] "......What's wrong? Did something happen?"
Something terrible occurred. That ominous premonition coldly crushed his mind.
Upon hearing his anxiety-laden question, her face crumpled. She looked exactly like a sandcastle washing away pitifully into the crashing waves.
She shoved his chest hard. He stumbled back helplessly a few steps. Yet, even as his body swayed, his gaze remained entirely fixed on her.
[Vanessa] "Don't follow me, I said."
Signaling the end of their bizarre walk, she fled the sandy beach.
Initially, she walked, but soon her legs, tangled in her dress hem, sprinted forward. The presence trailing behind her burned far too vividly against her back.
Desperate to escape him, she abandoned the sand and bolted up the hill. The path, barely difficult on a normal day, posed an unbearable challenge today.
It was just a hill, yet her feet sinking into the dry earth felt like trudging through a muddy swamp. Every single step demanded monumental effort. Gasping for air, she pushed past her physical limits.
Despite fleeing without a single backward glance, the presence behind her stuck like a shadow under the sun, refusing to widen the distance. The moment that realization hit her, her parched throat tightened.
Eventually, exhausted by her own momentum, she stopped and whirled around fiercely.
[Vanessa] "I told you not to follow me!"
[Declan] "How could I not!"
He surely ran just as hard to keep up with her, yet he did not heave a single breath. She gasped, on the verge of fainting, while he appeared completely unaffected.
No, she could not be certain. Her vision blurred completely, as if someone rubbed a heavy smear of grease across her eyes.
[Declan] "When you cry like that...... how could I not follow you?"
She gasped, swallowing a sharp breath.
Her scalding breath and her entirely obscured vision stemmed entirely from her own tears. The realization hit her late. A sigh, barely held back as if hitting a breaking point, leaked from her lips like nausea.
She frantically wiped the thick moisture from her face. Only when her view cleared slightly did his features come into focus.
He was undeniably affected.
His face looked just as wrecked as hers. Only she possessed the power to destroy him so effortlessly. Therefore, the more unstable she became, the more his emotions synchronized with hers.
They stood on an ordinary hill. Yet, the two of them looked as though they balanced on a dizzying, perilous cliff edge with no room to step.
[Declan] "......Did I make things hard for you again?"
His fear-drenched words twisted her insides into knots.
Vanessa glared at him, her complexion failing to hide her tangled emotions. She completely lost her grip on the feelings she fought so desperately to conceal. Right now, she possessed no emotional margin.
He followed me because I cried.
He asked if he made me suffer again.
Unable to suppress her surging rage, she charged at him. The violent action surprised both of them.
Despite the force behind her push, nearly enough to knock a grown man down, Declan held his ground and caught her. His body tilted backward, but he refused to fall.
That unwavering stance ground her teeth further. She pounded her fists against his broad chest.
[Vanessa] "Why are you doing this now, why!"
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "You didn't care before. When I begged you to stop with my father, with Elliot, you ignored me. You mocked me, dismissed me, and trampled all over me!"
Compared to her small frame, the force behind her strikes carried such ferocity that his shoulders repeatedly jolted backward. That power stemmed not from mere physical strength, but from the raw, chaotic misery she endured.
[Vanessa] "Even the baby......!"
The words finally erupted, freezing his entire body.
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "When I cried that the baby hurt, begging you to stop... you pretended not to hear a thing......"
She kept her mouth firmly shut about that day's events until now. The agony she swallowed internally burst forth like a shattered dam.
Her hands, striking him harshly enough to batter his heart, gradually slowed to a halt.
Declan, enduring the storm of her tiny fists in absolute silence, only moved when she buried her face in his chest and wept. He wrapped his arms tightly around her.
[Declan] "I'm sorry."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I committed a deadly sin."
She assumed only her own body trembled. However, the moment she slowly steadied her breathing, she realized he shook just as intensely. Through his tight embrace, his state radiated clearly—he floundered in a tempest of emotions exactly like hers.
[Declan] "I'm even sorrier that this is all I can say."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "To our baby, too, I committed an unforgivable......"
His choked voice cut off, failing to finish the sentence. Breathing raggedly, he tightened his arms around her and pleaded.
[Declan] "I will pray to the gods every day. I'll pray they never hurt or suffer again. I will never forget I had a child."
His profound sorrow radiated through the air. Knowing he shared the pain she thought belonged solely to her brought a different kind of hot tear to her eyes. The fact that only Declan comprehended her grief offered a paradoxical, bizarre comfort.
[Declan] "Thinking of my sins against you suffocates me. I know letting you go is the right choice. But I just can't do it. I know I'm being selfish now, but I can't help it...... I'm sorry."
He knew he should release her, but love shackled his hands. This emotion, as dizzying as standing on a precipice, forced the sinner to continuously commit new sins while offering endless apologies.
Listening to his confession, Vanessa recalled the story her father relayed.
Declan claimed words were all he could offer, but looking at the facts of what he actually did, the truth differed entirely. First, he saved her from a lethal crisis once again. This time, he orchestrated nothing; it was a genuine rescue.
Furthermore, as if repenting for his mistakes, he secretly visited her father to apologize. Beyond that, he provided resources to pull her family out of a political crisis, all while keeping his identity hidden.
These efforts served as his own form of atonement. Yet, remaining silent about his actions proved he knew better than anyone that such gestures could never earn him forgiveness.
Vanessa twisted her body, escaping his embrace. As if blocking him from crossing a set boundary, she rested both arms against his broad chest and steadied her erratic breathing.
[Vanessa] "......I hate you so much."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "Undeniably...... so much. I despise you. I resent you."
His past atrocities and his current repentance aimed at mending the catastrophic rift he caused—these two extreme opposites stacked up, surrounding her like an impenetrable wall.
They gradually narrowed the space, constricting her. Recognizing the trap, she choked on her own breath.
[Vanessa] "That's why I told you to stop."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "I told you to act like before. Don't act like some entirely different person. I told you to stay the same! Let me...!"
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "Let me......"
A solid lump formed in her throat, cutting off her words completely. She hated letting the sentence cross her lips.
Wouldn't that mean acknowledging the truth? The undeniable truth was that he successfully shook her resolve. Thus, she stubbornly clamped her lips together and dropped her head.
[Vanessa] "......"
Above her bowed head, his low voice descended.
[Declan] "I know the distance between our hearts widened a lot...... undeniably a lot. I also know it is entirely my fault."
He grasped her hands resting on his chest and lowered them. Then, he slowly bent his legs. Before long, he knelt on one knee upon the ground. He took the posture not out of submission, but purely to look up into her downward-facing eyes.
He raised his head. Silent tears cascaded down her pale cheeks, leaving long, quiet trails. He contorted his face in agony, absorbing her pain and misery as his own.
[Declan] "I told you I don't even hope for forgiveness anymore."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "So you don't have to do anything. I'll handle the hardship, the difficulty, the agonizing pain. You can stay completely still, Vanessa."
He raised a hand to wipe her tears, but recognizing his place, he changed direction. He pulled something from his coat.
In the blink of an eye, the object rested in her hand. It was an intricately embossed dagger. Registering the identity of the unexpected weapon, she recoiled.
[Vanessa] "Why are you......"
[Declan] "If you want, you may hurt me."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "If you absolutely cannot dissolve your anger over my past actions, if doing this brings you even a fraction of peace...... you can do whatever you want."
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