Acidity of Regret Ch 121
- Mar 2
- 7 min read
One year and ten months later.
Snow flurries danced across his blue eyes like a strange, beautiful phenomenon.
Snow fell for the first time in a long while.
The duchy maintained low temperatures year-round, yet strangely, a perfect winter never arrived. The weather always lingered on that ambiguous border between autumn and winter, soaking the ancient castle in a persistent chill.
But this time, snow fell heavily enough to declare winter's official arrival. Frost etched its presence onto the window frames, appearing both unfamiliar and awkward.
Snowflakes steadily accumulated upon the grayish-green conifers, evoking memories of a cave where the cold had sliced into flesh.
[Physician] "Your Grace, did you rest peacefully last night?"
Declan dragged his gaze from the window to the opposite side of the room.
[Declan] "Yes."
Following the brief reply, he lifted his teacup.
The rich scent of Darjeeling—the fragrance that had once wafted subtly from Vanessa before his regression—saturated the office. Perhaps because of this, an unusually good mood enveloped him today. As someone who despised the cold, he rarely displayed such a peaceful demeanor in this kind of weather.
[Physician] "Did you dream again yesterday?"
The physician asked, recalling the untouched pills in the medicine bottle he had checked that morning.
Declan took a sip of tea and turned his attention back outside.
Curiosity prompted the physician to follow his patient's line of sight. Nothing lay outside. Yet the Grand Duke's eyes held a profound depth, mirroring the rich aroma of the Darjeeling tea.
[Declan] "I did."
The physician's curiosity was shattered at the nonchalant response. He concealed his reaction, but internal tension gripped him tightly.
The Grand Duke's dreams posed a severe danger. After observing him for nearly two years, he knew those traumatic nightmares acted as a trigger for his self-destructive behavior.
[Physician] "Yet you abstained from the sleeping pills. That is quite an accomplishment."
[Declan] "I had no need for them."
[Physician] "Pardon?"
Declan set down the nearly empty teacup and strode toward the window.
Only faint scars, fading as if carved ages ago, peeked through his slightly parted collar. His condition had improved flawlessly compared to the days when he hid himself under thick bandages.
Those faded marks reduced their frantic midnight struggles—binding his hands, hiding potential weapons, trying everything to stop him—into mere illusions.
[Declan] "I believe the treatments are no longer necessary."
[Physician] "Then......"
The nightmare that once dictated his every night never materialized. Without the night terrors, his self-mutilating habits naturally ceased.
[Declan] "The same goes for the medication."
Consequently, darkness no longer consumed his nights.
[Declan] "I can wait with a bit more peace now."
Indescribable resolve emanated from the Grand Duke as he faced the white world outside. The instability and peril from the early days of his treatment had vanished entirely.
The initial discovery of that massive, hollow fissure within such an unyielding man had caused absolute shock. He had projected a flawless exterior, yet festering wounds had shredded his core into tatters.
But now, his inner fortitude had hardened against those superficial frailties. The physician knew love formed that solid foundation. Throughout the grueling treatment, the Grand Duke endured the agony fueled solely by his devotion to a certain woman.
The desperate confessions of love he uttered during his delirious states easily revealed the immense weight of his affections.
Paradoxically, his love for her acted as a double-edged sword. It had driven him mercilessly to his knees, yet ultimately, it pulled him back to his feet.
[Physician] "That is a profound relief."
He kept his response simple, omitting any unnecessary commentary.
The Grand Duke's condition over the past few days provided enough evidence to prove those words were no lie.
Declan had genuinely healed.
After the physician bowed and retreated, he stared out the window for a long while. A persistent dilemma—now the most crucial task of his day—occupied his mind.
What should he write in today's letter? Should he mention the white snow? Explain the biting cold and how it evoked memories of Evarn County?
Or should he detail last night's dream, where she smiled while holding the roses he had gifted her?
Confess how her radiant smile captivated him so deeply that he embraced her, entirely forgetting it was merely an illusion?
No, she might dislike that subject, so it's best not to bring it up. Taking any action without her explicit consent now only fueled his own fear.
[Carter] "Your Grace! Are you in here?"
The loud disruption shattered his calm reverie, sparking a flash of irritation.
Moments later, the heavy office doors flew open with a violent crash. Carter, his aide, barged in with an entirely uncharacteristic intensity.
He turned a gaze as frigid as the weather outside toward the intruder. Interruptions while he drafted messages to her always enraged him.
[Declan] "What is it?"
Carter gasped for air, his ragged breaths indicating a frantic sprint to the office.
[Carter] "A—A letter."
Finding no valid reason for such urgency over a simple letter, Declan lazily turned his head back toward the window.
[Carter] "From the capital, huff, from the Rohawk County......!"
His subsequent words froze Declan to his very core.
An auditory hallucination? Had his madness progressed to hearing voices now? It must be. Even as that thought crossed his mind, his gaze drifted back to his aide.
The undeniable reality of the situation crashed over him only when he processed Carter's overwhelmingly emotional expression. Declan remained paralyzed in sheer disbelief until the panting aide thrust the letter into his hands.
[Carter] "It's a reply after two long years! Isn't it?"
Carter fussed about as if it were his own triumphant moment, until Siron, who guarded the reception area, dragged him away.
Left entirely alone, Declan waited a suffocating eternity before breaking the seal. His slow-moving fingers trembled violently.
A moment later, distinguishing whether the violent shaking originated from his hands or his pounding heart became impossible.
The contents within held the absolute power to elevate him to paradise or hurl him straight into the abyss.
A heavy, agonizing silence soon suffocated the office for a prolonged stretch of time. The room grew so quiet that not even the faintest breath escaped his lips, leaving it ambiguous whether his lungs functioned at all.
After a torturous wait, he dropped the letter and sprinted out of the office in an absolute frenzy. Chaos erupted outside as his frantic subordinates scrambled to chase after him.
Meanwhile, thick silence continued to blanket the vacant office.
The letter lay haphazardly open upon the meticulously organized desk, shattering its perfect symmetry.
A brilliant ray of light pierced through the clouds, illuminating the opening line.
[To the man who was once my hope, and at another time, my despair.
It has been a long time.
I rested the pen against the paper for a long while, unsure of how to begin, and spent an eternity writing and erasing.
I have barely managed the first sentence, yet exhaustion already claims me.
Did you always feel this way? Did you always begin your letters agonizing over what words to send me?
It is a difficult task, but considering the devotion you have continuously shown me, I will try writing this down. It might ramble a bit, so please understand.
Snow has started falling in the Empire. The white-washed world brought forth memories of my time in Evarn County. I have picked up a few hobbies you so desperately wanted me to learn back then.
I know how to ride a horse now. Truthfully, I quit initially because the first experience was utterly terrifying and awkward, but I suppose that happened because I chose a horse ridiculously large for my frame.
Riding a smaller horse proved less frightening than anticipated. In fact, galloping seems to clear my head. Of course, I lack the skills to race fiercely like knights such as yourself.
Horseback riding was once a terrifying concept I dared not even attempt. The initial memory etched into my heart carried no joy.
However, shedding that fear brought an overwhelming sense of relief. It is quite fascinating. The act remains identical, yet my emotional reception completely flips the experience.
My revenge against you feels much the same.
You refused to believe it, but our return to the past was a chance granted by the gods. The gods told me so themselves.
They commanded me to execute a revenge that would leave absolutely no regrets this time.
Upon reflection, I realize revenge ultimately shifts depending on my own mindset. If orchestrating your complete ruin was one method, then forcing you into this profound repentance served as another.
In that sense, I consider my revenge successfully completed. Had you failed to recognize your own sins, my vengeance would have ended in failure.
Two years ago, countless truths escaped my knowledge. Your desperate efforts for my family, your secret visits to apologize to my father. Your silent protection around me. And the fact that you orchestrated it all without my awareness.
And now, nearly two years have passed. After enduring that time to reach today, the reason I wrote this letter is......
The weather is gorgeous today. The sunlight radiates warmth, and a beautiful white coats the world. Someone once told me that snow signals the inevitable end of winter. Snowfall means half the bitter season has already passed. By the time this frost melts away, spring will return once more.
Truthfully, I still lack the conviction that I am making the right choice. Yet, waking up to such a radiant morning made me want to send you this letter. Taking in the scenery suddenly stirred a specific feeling within me.
A feeling that everything might finally be alright.
Declan, I no longer wish to die. Therefore, I want you to liberate yourself from the chains of my death. A warm spring will arrive soon.
So tell me, will you visit me soon?
Bring a single, real rose this time instead of an artificial one.]
※The End※
Comments