Acidity of Regret Ch 18
- Dec 17, 2025
- 8 min read
[Declan] "Hm?"
He chuckled playfully and rubbed her slightly flushed cheek. His gaze locked onto hers persistently, as if urging her to hurry up and call him by his name, too. Vanessa mumbled, averting her eyes.
[Vanessa] "I can't just call Your Grace by name."
[Declan] "Why not?"
[Vanessa] "Because..."
The maids' cackling laughter swirled in her ears like an auditory hallucination.
She must not know her place. So brazen.
With every repetition, her heart grew heavier, as if weighted down by scrap iron.
Seeing her hesitate, unable to speak easily, Declan dropped a series of feather-light kisses on her.
[Declan] "Say it."
[Vanessa] "......."
[Declan] "Vanessa."
Chup, chup.
The soft sounds of his lips meeting hers and pulling away felt inexplicably embarrassing.
Even though it was just the two of them here, shame bloomed within her, and she covered his lips with her hand.
With his lower face obscured, his eyes and the bridge of his nose stood out even more distinctly, like a painting.
It was a handsome visage, striking enough to make one forget the picturesque scenery behind him. Capturing that image in her eyes, her mouth opened unwittingly, as if she were bewitched.
[Vanessa] "...Declan."
The way her lips moved to form his name felt strange and unfamiliar. It was a pronunciation she had never uttered before in her life.
Her heart hammered even more wildly against her ribs.
[Vanessa] "Declan."
The maids had accused her of having no shame. The butler hadn't believed her when she spoke of Declan. Everyone under his command resented her presence by his side.
Yet, he kept making her willingly come closer to him like this. He erased the lines others had drawn between them without a shred of hesitation.
Vanessa found herself clutching the hem of his clothes tightly. She held on desperately, like someone who believed that if she let go, she would be dragged into the lake, never to return.
[Vanessa] "You know, don't you?"
[Declan] "......."
[Vanessa] "That I... like you."
Her voice was cautious, like a small water droplet bursting.
It was a sincere confession she had barely managed to drag up from the depths of her heart. In her hesitation, calling his name had been the spark that made the words spill out uncontrollably.
His eyes widened slightly. But she couldn't examine his expression closely.
What she wanted to say didn't end there. The confession was merely the prelude; what came next was the main point.
[Vanessa] "That's why I can't bear it. That my existence is a hindrance to you."
[Declan] "......."
[Vanessa] "While you were away from the castle, I thought about it a lot. How can I stop being such a hindrance to you? How can I not be a burden to you?"
She shook her head with a self-mocking smile.
[Vanessa] "But... there is no way."
[Declan] "......."
[Vanessa] "No matter how much I think about it, in my current situation, there is no way."
The Rohawk family, which had committed an indelible sin against the Empire.
And Vanessa Rohawk, the only daughter of that house. Her honor as a noble Count's daughter had ended, and all that remained was a miserable life with nowhere to go but down.
The bleak future she hadn't even recognized was a reality his people had kindly awakened her to.
[Vanessa] "In the future, I will only be a stumbling block for you."
Chewing over it, it was true—her plight was terribly unsuited to remain by his side.
Her self-esteem, which she thought had only shrunk a little, had crashed to the ground, forcing her to accept the sentiments of the servants who belittled her.
So this is why. This is why everyone looked at me with such disdain.
No matter how you looked at it, this pairing was entirely one-sided, with Declan bearing all the risk.
She realized that if anyone wanted to stand by her while she was in such a miserable state, they would have to be willing to ruin their own reputation along with hers.
The conscience remaining in her crushed heart cried out earnestly that she couldn't do that to Declan.
Because she liked him.
[Vanessa] "So... if you're alright with it, I intend to leave this place."
She hadn't thought about what she would do once she left.
If he asked, 'What will you do after leaving the Grand Duchy?' she wouldn't have an answer.
But she thought being a wanderer might be better than rotting away in a corner here like dust. If she was destined for a miserable end anyway, it would be better not to show that sight to him.
Vanessa didn't know his heart. She knew well that she loved him, but she wasn't sure if he felt the same.
This bomb she suddenly dropped today was a way to find out. If Declan had no feelings for her, she felt she could leave without lingering regrets.
But if he had feelings for her, if his heart was the same as hers...
His eyes, which had widened in surprise, had returned to their original state. His pupils, set within his sharp gaze, had sunk deep.
Seeing him remain composed even at a moment like this, she felt a sense of futility about how much she had agonized over bringing this up.
What is he thinking right now?
Declan was quiet. He maintained a heavy silence.
While waiting for his answer, the tension escalated. Because of it, her stiffened toes turned ice-cold, and she pulled her legs out of the water.
Splash, the water sounded as it dripped.
Then, the man who had been unresponsive as a stone statue suddenly moved his hand.
Vanessa looked with bewildered eyes as he lifted her dripping legs onto his lap.
He took out a handkerchief and meticulously wiped away the moisture. The touch was so tender—incomparable to the servants who had treated her coldly—that Vanessa choked up for a moment.
But she suppressed the surging emotion with the single thought that this might be her last time with him.
After wiping her right leg, he soon wiped her left.
His lips parted just as the white handkerchief passed over her ankle bone.
[Declan] "Shall we get married?"
The voice that flowed out was light, making his long silence seem pointless.
Vanessa, who had been staring only at her feet being wiped because she lacked the courage to face him, doubted her ears for a moment.
Right now, what? What did I just hear?
She stammeringly lifted her dazed face.
Declan, having just wiped away the droplets pooling on her ankle, met her gaze at that precise moment.
A silence twice as heavy as before hung in the air.
Vanessa froze, her mind bleached white. Her expression was equally rigid. No matter how one looked at it, she didn't look like a woman who had just received a proposal.
With a face completely devoid of agitation, Declan pulled down the hem of her skirt that had rolled up.
Vanessa, staring blankly at him, finally found her voice. She was so shocked her tongue had stiffened, making speech difficult.
[Vanessa] "You're... joking, right?"
[Declan] "Do I look like the type to joke about such things?"
[Vanessa] "......."
True, as he said, his personality was far from joking. He was always serious and profound, never one to spit out words lightly. That made it even more incomprehensible.
Why on earth? Why would he?
She furrowed her brow, dismissing it as him surely teasing her.
[Vanessa] "Then, then it makes even less sense. What have you been listening to all this time?"
She couldn't understand why a proposal was the response to her solemn declaration that she would willingly disappear because she wasn't helpful.
It was a situation so absurd it would be more correct to view it as an auditory hallucination created by her own mind, driven mad by hope.
Unlike her confusion, Declan was as calm as ever. He grasped her hand, which was clutching her clothes. He quietly stroked the back of her white hand, then suddenly raised his eyes.
[Declan] "Don't you get it?"
[Vanessa] "......."
[Declan] "I am holding onto you right now."
For the first time, she clearly read the emotion dwelling in his eyes. In those irises that recalled the night sea, there was an unmistakable trace of desperation.
He is... anxious?
Declan. And desperation.
It was a combination of two words that truly didn't match. The moment she realized it, her throat constricted strangely tight. If it hadn't, tears seemed ready to burst out at any second.
It felt like she had received her answer that Declan wanted to hold onto her so urgently, even tossing out a clumsy proposal to do so.
To Vanessa, that was practically the answer she had hoped for. That he wanted to be with her just as she did—that is, that he liked her...
[Declan] "Whether you are helpful to me or not is for me to judge."
Thinking back, he had been consistent from the moment he reached out to her until now.
In the slave auction house where darkness was more vivid than light, he had willingly permitted her to be by his side.
Even after that, amidst the chaotic public scrutiny, standing like the eye of a typhoon himself, he had undeniably never wavered.
Declan had always been there.
Vanessa finally let the tears she had been holding back burst forth. She had thought of herself as someone who didn't cry much, but that notion had been completely shattered after meeting him.
[Vanessa] "Are you really... really sure you're okay with me being by your side?"
Someone once said that the most terrifying love is first love.
Because it's the first time you give your heart in your life, you fall helplessly without knowing how to set boundaries or hold anything back.
Because you harbor feelings so profound, that person is remembered as the most special existence in your life.
Such was her first love, Declan.
[Declan] "Yes."
He cupped her cheek with his large palm.
[Declan] "Because I have absolutely no intention of watching you go to another man."
As if the mere imagination provoked his temper, he recited the words as if chewing and spitting out each syllable.
Knowing him as someone who always maintained his composure, seeing him reveal his emotions so vividly was unfamiliar.
But the unfamiliarity related to Declan was, as always, rightfully welcome. It was closer to thrilling than uncomfortable. She loved every new side he showed her.
His hand slid down to trace her jawline. Her lips parted naturally under the gentle pressure on the center of her chin.
Only when their breaths tangled did it feel real that she was kissing him.
Vanessa slowly closed her eyes. A single tear that had been hanging on her lashes flowed down her cheek. Even that was soon wiped away by his touch.
As per the maids' mockery, his heart might leave her someday. Even so, this childish emotion wanted to remain by his side with the mindset of willingly accepting that worry.
Her pride, which hadn't moved for any man who confessed his love to her in the past, became a weakling before him of its own accord, bowing low.
Let someone call her love pathetic. Let them point fingers.
The only thing that mattered to her was the fact that her heart connected with his.
Until now, not knowing his heart, she had been busy avoiding his attention while walking on eggshells. But if he felt the same as she did, there was no reason to be intimidated.
Using his permission to stay by his side as an excuse, Vanessa decided to go wherever her heart led her.
Comments