Acidity of Regret Ch 42
- Jan 2
- 7 min read
[Vanessa] "The fact that I married the man who slaughtered my family is disgusting. This place, which I can never escape... it is all so monstrously repulsive."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "Everything is hideous to me now."
Her expression remained desolate, yet she could no longer suppress the tide of emotion. Her green eyes slowly filled with tears.
Though she stood on her own two feet, she looked to Declan as if she were a fragile porcelain doll held together by a single thread.
It was Declan who trembled with an unceasing, gnawing anxiety, yet it was Vanessa who seemed to be teetering on the edge of a precipice.
[Vanessa] "Do you know when I truly believed that God existed?"
She spoke through the tears that fell steadily down her cheeks, her voice eerily calm and without a single hitch in her breath.
[Vanessa] "Was it when I heard the stories of the day I was born? Or when I thought of my family’s ancient lineage? No... none of those."
She slowly shook her head.
[Vanessa] "It was when you appeared before me."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "When you saved me from crisis after crisis. When you enchanted me with that loathsome acting, making me believe your lies were love... I thought, Ah, so God has not abandoned me. He has given me hope after all."
A hollow, bitter smile flickered at the corners of her mouth.
[Vanessa] "How foolish I was. I didn’t realize it was simply a more elaborate hell."
The light in her green eyes was thick with resentment. Every time a hateful lament fell from her lips, something inside his chest twisted and shattered.
He felt a deep sense of wrongness. His instincts screamed at him that he could not let this continue—that he had to stop her.
But how?
[Declan] "...Put that down."
First, he wanted to remove that menacing blade from her hand. No, he had to.
He was a man who was bothered by the smallest scratch on her skin. Even the tiniest splash of hot tea would have provoked his ire. The thought of such a sharp, lethal weapon being near her was beyond his comprehension.
His reason was so tangled in knots that he couldn't even begin to wonder where she had obtained it.
He needed to think coldly. He needed to find a way to stop her, but his mind was a blank slate. His thoughts were clouded, as if someone had poured white ink into his consciousness.
He had always loathed his parents for being slaves to their emotions, and he had spent his life striving to be nothing like them. Yet, in this moment, all those years of discipline felt useless. He could barely maintain a shred of his sanity. He was crumbling, piece by piece, without even realizing it.
Finally, a single desperate thought occurred to him.
[Declan] "I told you to put it down, Vanessa."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Declan] "If you don't, I will not show mercy to that maid you care so much for."
At his threat, Vanessa let out a sound from her throat—she was laughing.
It was a weak sound, but as sharp as the dagger she held. A series of hollow, mirthless laughs spilled from her lips.
This man. Indeed, this man was the same until the very end.
[Vanessa] "You will never change, will you?"
[Declan] "Vanessa."
[Vanessa] "You will continue to do this... trying to crush the very breath out of me."
Her voice was heavy with a fatigue that suggested she couldn't even bear the thought of a future with him.
[Vanessa] "So, go on. Keep living that way."
A sharp, throbbing pain shot through his heart with every word she forced out. He was so rigid he couldn't even blink.
The very air around them seemed to tighten around his throat. The tension weighing down his body was more intense than any battle where his life had been on the line.
Cold sweat poured down his back.
[Vanessa] "Being by your side is no different than being in hell."
Unaware of—or perhaps indifferent to—his agony, she lowered her gaze.
[Vanessa] "I would rather go to a real hell than continue living like this."
At her words, it felt as if the blood were being drained from his body.
No. No, Vanessa. Absolutely not.
Declan shook his head, sensing the impending catastrophe.
Seeing the cracks finally appearing in his always-composed mask, her lips curved upward for the first time in an age. It wasn't a mocking sneer; it was a genuine, wide smile.
[Vanessa] "Ah..."
It felt like an eternity since Declan had seen her smile so fully.
It was the very thing he had craved.
A gaze of pure, untainted affection without purpose or price. The elegant, bright curve of her lips. The expression she used to wear when she looked at him before the truth had been unmasked. A smiling Vanessa, looking at him with the radiant light of love, was undoubtedly the most beautiful thing in the world.
He had used her as a tool, and he could have easily answered "no" if asked if he loved her, but he could never deny her beauty. Vanessa was maddeningly beautiful. There were times he had stared at her, completely entranced, without even realizing it.
But now, that smile on her lovely face was horrific.
To show him a smile he would never see again... it felt like a final goodbye.
Declan wanted to tear the very thoughts from his mind.
A final goodbye?
It was nonsense. Impossible.
Yet his heart rate continued to climb. He felt as if the ground beneath them was giving way, as if the space they shared was collapsing.
Vanessa saw him clearly.
Even your act of being shaken is perfect. It’s revolting.
You ignored me when I pleaded with you in such desperate agony.
And now, you do this?
In an instant, she tightened her grip. As her hand moved from its precarious position, she felt a sudden, horrific pain in her neck.
[Vanessa] "Ugh..."
A searing pain, as if she had been swallowed by fire, spread through her.
Her resolve must have been strong, for the dagger had done its work well. If it hadn't, the blood wouldn't be gushing out so heavily.
Her legs buckled, and her body began to collapse.
Her vision blurred into a hazy mess.
Vanessa, now on her knees, pulled the dagger completely from her throat. Even as her mind clouded with agony, her movements were resolute, as if she were determined to sever any possibility of survival.
As she began to tilt sideways, she felt something firm support her. Someone was calling her name desperately, but it sounded like nothing more than a dull buzzing in her ears.
The pain in her throat was so overwhelming that it consumed all her senses, leaving no room for sound.
A large, rough palm pressed against her neck.
It was a futile effort; it would never stop the flood. He was only going to ruin his hands. The cynical thoughts continued to swirl in her mind.
With a frail movement, Vanessa forced her eyelids open. Through her fading vision, she saw a face she knew all too well.
Declan.
When her lips moved, his face seemed to distort completely, but she couldn't be sure.
That was the face she had wanted to see...
Does any of it even matter now?
The pain suddenly vanished, replaced by a coldness as biting as a midwinter gale. It was so cold. She could feel her entire body freezing. Once she became completely still and frozen... that would be death.
Before that happened, there was something Vanessa had to say.
[Vanessa] "You..."
Through her blurred vision, she saw eyes as deep and dark as the night sky. But those eyes... they looked as if they were weeping.
She couldn't believe it; she couldn't be sure if it was Declan, as his eyes seemed stained with tears just like her own.
Declan Vinkart was a cold-blooded man without a shred of pity. He was not someone who would weep over a single death.
She couldn't be certain, but she had to tell him.
Time was running out.
[Vanessa] "You... are the one... who killed me."
My father, my knight, and now me.
Every person belonging to Rohawk has left this world because of you alone. Whatever your goal was, I suppose you have achieved it.
So, let it be enough.
Let me go now...
[Vanessa] "I... cough."
As she tried to force the words out, her throat felt unbearably tight. A horrific, metallic taste filled her mouth as the blood surged back.
Death was reaching for her, inch by inch.
Vanessa clung to her fading consciousness and gripped his collar. The sight of his white shirt being stained a messy, brilliant crimson spun before her eyes.
[Vanessa] "I curse the day... I ever loved you."
Our relationship should never have begun.
I should never have taken your hand at the slave auction.
I should never have ignored my father’s warning.
I should never have been fooled by the fire of my emotions and kissed you…
I should never have stood on that balcony that day.
Every memory she looked back on was a regret.
But in the face of death, it all felt meaningless. She had said what she needed to say; she had no more lingering attachments.
Vanessa let her eyelids fall. The room echoed with a scream that sounded like a desperate roar, followed by the frantic sound of a door being thrown open and more cries. But it felt like it was happening to someone else.
She didn't want to care anymore.
She wanted to be at peace.
Ever since her family had been destroyed, she hadn't known a single moment of rest.
[Declan] "No, no... please..."
Just before her consciousness snapped, she thought she heard a voice filled with an agonizing plea. But that, too, didn't sound like Declan, so she couldn't be sure.
The man she knew only knew how to command or offer hollow comfort; he had never made a sound so full of desperate prayer.
He was a man who had always reigned over her like a tyrant...
Following a long string of denials, her eyes closed completely.
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