Acidity of Regret Ch 44
- Jan 4
- 7 min read
Her father was unjustly executed on trumped-up charges. Elliot, who met a wretched end while trying to save her. If time turned back, would they breathe again?
Though the situation felt entirely surreal, Vanessa could not let go of this final sliver of hope.
The Goddess Rohodre understood Vanessa’s heart perfectly. Wearing the same gentle smile as before, she answered.
[Rohodre] "Of course. That is the very nature of turning back time."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Rohodre] "You look as though you still cannot believe me."
[Vanessa] "Well, I..."
She clenched her fists tight.
Her reason returned to her in a sharp flash. She did not want to harbor futile hopes. If she were not actually dead—if she were trapped in a dream filled with wishful thinking—then the moment she woke, that nightmare reality would surely swallow her whole again.
She was tired of leaning on blind hope only to be crushed when it vanished. It was enough to have been broken like that by Declan; she would not let a dream do the same.
[Rohodre] "Trust me, Vanessa Rohawk."
Vanessa Rohawk.
She couldn't remember the last time she had been addressed by that name. Now that she thought about it, the Goddess had been calling her Vanessa Rohawk, not Vanessa Vinkart, from the very beginning.
Strangely—indeed strangely—that gave her a sense of security. The name Rohawk itself was a testament to her lineage, a name derived from Rohodre’s own sacred title.
[Rohodre] "I wish to help you. I do not want to see a life born of my love collapse so meaninglessly."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Rohodre] "And, well, to be honest, I am rather displeased with that man who destroyed the family that served me. So, let us join hands."
[Vanessa] "Join hands?"
[Rohodre] "I believe my proposal will allow your revenge to be flawless."
Rohodre was a goddess who favored a rather one-sided style of conversation. Nevertheless, her determination to persuade Vanessa felt sincere.
Still, she had to ask.
[Vanessa] "...Why?"
[Rohodre] "Hmm?"
[Vanessa] "Why would you go to such lengths for me?"
She had learned through bitter experience that kindness rarely came without a price.
Exhausted by the endless questions rising within her, her tone turned sharp. Yet, the Goddess did not seem offended; she simply laughed.
[Rohodre] "Because you are a child born with my blessing."
This time, Vanessa did not let it slide. She stared back, her gaze unwavering. The Goddess’s reasoning was flimsy and full of holes.
Seeing that piercing look, Rohodre shook her head as if she had no choice but to be honest.
[Rohodre] "I am a goddess; I live forever. A human like you might not understand, but an eternal life is remarkably dull and lonely. Therefore, watching humans is my greatest pleasure. In a way, it is my entertainment. Rather than accepting your death as it is, it is far more interesting for me to turn back time and see you live."
Finally, a plausible answer. However, it was so absurd that Vanessa let out a hollow laugh.
In the end, it meant the Goddess intended to watch the situation unfold like a puppet show on a stage she had built.
[Vanessa] "You have a twisted sense of humor."
[Rohodre] "Try living an infinite life yourself. You would naturally end up the same way."
The Goddess had been cheerful until now, but in this moment, she seemed strangely cynical. It was a chillingly pragmatic response, yet Vanessa found it far easier to understand than talk of divine love.
In truth, Vanessa no longer had the energy to argue. Her cheeks were still damp with the remnants of her tears. She had been caught up in this impossible conversation for a moment, but as her senses returned, she felt utterly drained. Her very bones ached as if someone were pulling at her limbs.
[Rohodre] "And, in exchange for what I am granting you, there are things you must endure. If everything were easy, it would be terribly boring."
[Vanessa] "Things I must endure...? What are they?"
[Rohodre] "You will have to discover that for yourself."
Rohodre waved a hand with a smile, signaling she had no intention of explaining further.
[Rohodre] "I am curious to see what outcome you will bring about this time."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Rohodre] "I hope that this time, you achieve a revenge that leaves you with no regrets."
As if responding to her gesture, the white landscape surrounding Vanessa began to distort.
[Rohodre] "I shall be watching with great anticipation, Vanessa Rohawk."
The Goddess did not lose her smile until the very end.
That beautiful face gradually blurred, and Vanessa lost consciousness.
A gentle warmth enveloped her body.
It felt as if radiant sunlight were streaming through a window, bathing her in its glow. It was cozy, warm, and filled with a sense of profound peace.
Vanessa slowly forced her eyelids open. She blinked several times to clear her hazy vision.
She was lying on her side. However, the scene unfolding from her tilted perspective was strange.
This place...
It was a room that was familiar, yet one she thought only existed in her memories.
Her dark green eyes shifted cautiously.
There were the terrace doors framed in bluish-white; the cherry wood table she used for reading or tea; even the vase filled with lilies sitting atop it.
...A dream?
Her mind was in a fog. She felt as though she had just woken from a dream, yet she felt like she was still dreaming. After all, this room was decorated perfectly to her tastes, without a single flaw...
The moment that thought took hold, she bolted upright.
[Dina] "My Lady, are you awake? Good morning."
Vanessa, clutching the bedsheets as she scanned her bedroom in the Count’s estate, flinched at the voice. She turned her head sharply.
There stood Dina, her personal maid, with her brown hair and charming freckles.
[Vanessa] "Dina...?"
On the day the Imperial Guard had stormed the estate, Dina had been locked in a different dungeon. Vanessa had been taken to the slave auction afterward and never knew if the girl had lived or died.
Because Dina had a personality as innocent as a young girl, Vanessa had often thought of her as a younger sister.
Why was Dina here?
And more importantly, what did she just call her?
[Vanessa] "You called me 'My Lady'?"
[Dina] "Pardon? Yes, My Lady."
She tilted her head in confusion.
[Dina] "Is something wrong? Did something happen last night?"
[Vanessa] "Why am I 'My Lady'?"
That was a title she had forgotten long ago after becoming the Grand Duchess. Yet Dina kept addressing her as 'Lady.'
In that instant, a memory flashed through her mind.
I am saying I will turn back time to before your tragedy began.
Only now did the conversation with the Goddess return to her, piece by piece.
[Vanessa] "Dina. What is today's date?"
[Dina] "One moment, please."
She stepped down from the bed as she asked. While Dina checked the calendar, she hurried to the mirror in the corner of the room.
With hands trembling in disbelief, she swept her hair back. She examined the right side of her neck with frantic intensity. It was white and unblemished.
While she could still vividly recall the horrific pain that had radiated from her throat throughout her body, there wasn't even the slightest hint of a scar.
[Dina] "It is the year 211 of the Imperial Calendar, My Lady."
Dina’s voice called out the date from behind her.
211?
The day she had thrown her life away was, of course, much later than that.
The man who brought you to this state.
I will send you back to the time before you met him.
So, she had returned to the time before she ever met Declan...?
Before she could even organize her thoughts, she dashed out of the bedroom. She heard the startled Dina cry out, "My Lady!" but she couldn't stop. Her heart was pounding so hard she felt it might leap from her chest.
The servants’ eyes widened in shock as they saw Vanessa sprinting through the manor in her negligee, having just woken up.
She had no time to worry about their reactions; she ran until she reached her father’s study.
She threw the door open.
The study looked exactly as she remembered, just like her bedroom. And so did the two men who stood within it.
Two pairs of eyes turned toward her, looking startled by her sudden appearance.
Her racing heart finally hit its peak and stopped with a heavy thud. A strange shiver ran through her. Before long, her legs gave way, and she slid down against the doorframe.
[Count] "Vanessa? What is the matter?"
Father.
[Elliot] "My Lady."
And Elliot.
The two people she had missed so desperately were standing before her, alive and well.
[Count] "Vanessa?"
Count Rohawk, who had been seated, saw his daughter standing there in nothing but her nightgown and rushed to her side.
[Elliot] "Did something happen, My Lady?"
The knight, Elliot, followed suit. Though his manner was stoic, his touch was full of concern as he helped her up.
She still couldn't believe it. She looked back and forth between her father and the knight with a dazed expression.
So it really wasn't a dream?
Meeting the Goddess Rohodre—was that memory actually real?
It still felt surreal, but it had to be real. Otherwise, her father and Elliot standing before her would be nothing but illusions.
[Count] "What is it, hmm? Did you have a nightmare?"
Count Rohawk asked as he brushed back her disheveled golden hair.
Vanessa snapped out of her trance. The feeling of his hand against her cheek was far too vivid to be a hallucination.
[Vanessa] "No, no. It’s nothing, Father."
In her state of bewilderment, she offered a silent prayer of thanks to the Goddess.
If she had returned to the past—if the Goddess had taken pity on her and shown her mercy—she would accept it gladly. Seeing her family again was the one wish she had held onto with every fiber of her being.
The two men were confused, not knowing what was happening. She didn't want to worry them with her inexplicable behavior, so she tried to say it was nothing.
But before she could explain, the suppressed anguish of her past life finally burst forth.
[Vanessa] "It’s... it’s just..."
The days she had endured alone, struggling with every ounce of her strength, flashed before her eyes.
From the dawn of the Imperial Guards' invasion to the cruel night, Elliot had lost his life. Every moment she had suffered in crippling loneliness, she had yearned for them. When she looked at a wedding dress, she thought of her father; when she saw an armored knight, she thought of Elliot.
In the end, Vanessa wept for a long time, unable to offer a proper explanation. But there was no doubt—at the very least—that these were tears of absolute relief.
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