Acidity of Regret Ch 48
- Jan 6
- 8 min read
[Hayden] "I was a bit surprised to hear you were looking for me, My Lady."
Hayden scratched his cheek, his expression clearly reflecting his bewilderment.
Vanessa understood his confusion completely. In the life before her return, she and Hayden had been nothing more than acquaintances who exchanged formal greetings at this time of year.
In short, this was the first time they had ever been alone together.
[Vanessa] "Thank you for agreeing to speak with me. Actually... there is something I wished to say to Your Highness."
[Hayden] "And what might that be?"
[Vanessa] "I heard from my father. He mentioned that marriage talks between us are underway."
Hayden, who had been smiling brightly until then, froze. He looked flustered, his lips parting as if to speak before he fell silent again, nervously rubbing his face.
[Hayden] "I apologize if that made you uncomfortable, My Lady. It was a decision His Majesty made before I could even intervene. I knew his temper was hasty, but I had no idea he had already arranged a meeting with Count Rohawk."
She was briefly taken aback by the torrent of apologies and excuses that poured out of him, but she soon realized the reason for his behavior. Hayden was desperately worried that the sudden marriage proposal might have offended her.
His gaze remained exactly as she remembered it from before the regression. It was the look of a man constantly anxious that Vanessa might dislike him—a sentiment so transparently clear she didn't even have to look for it.
Facing him now, the memory of her past rudeness toward him weighed heavily on her conscience. She felt a pang of regret.
Why did I ever choose Declan over a man like this?
The more she thought about it, the more inexplicable it became.
Perhaps that outcome, too, had been a snare laid by Declan. Had he enchanted and ensnared her before she ever had the chance to look closely at Hayden’s heart?
Whatever the case, the fact remained that her past actions toward him had been bad.
[Vanessa] "No, Your Highness."
She shook her head slowly.
[Vanessa] "I am not uncomfortable."
She forced the corners of her lips upward, yearning for the smile to look as natural as possible. Hayden stared at her face, transfixed by her features in the dim light.
A moment later, he stood there blankly, his eyes darting around as he processed the meaning behind her answer.
To solidify his assumption, she added softly:
[Vanessa] "I am pleased."
[Hayden] "...Pardon?"
Seeing him ask back in utter disbelief, she clenched her fists tight.
When she had faced Declan earlier, she had felt bewilderment, anxiety, and finally, nothing but white-hot rage. Her encounter with him had brought her no pleasant emotions. But now, as she stood here to settle things with Hayden, those memories became the perfect catalyst.
[Vanessa] "No—I mean I am fond of you."
This time, Hayden looked as though he had truly lost his ability to speak.
[Vanessa] "I have long held Your Highness in my heart."
It was true that she felt guilty toward Hayden, and that guilt was something she could never fully erase. However, to complete her revenge, she absolutely needed him.
She was sorry—genuinely sorry—but even if she had to use him, she was determined to protect her family. In the face of Declan’s threat, the Crown Prince was the only lifeline available to her.
Hayden blinked slowly, the habitual smile finally vanishing from his face.
After a delayed reaction, he covered his mouth with his large hand. He looked down at the floor, then glanced over the railing and back again.
She watched him curiously, only to notice that the tips of his ears had turned a deep, vibrant red.
[Hayden] "That is... I mean..."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "I was just... so surprised..."
He struggled to string a sentence together, looking every bit the man bashful from the weight of his own affection. It was the moment the pure emotions previously hidden in his eyes finally manifested.
She took a step toward him. It was time to drive the point home.
[Vanessa] "I wish to marry you, Your Highness."
His breath hitched.
[Vanessa] "Would it be... too greedy of me to harbor such a desire?"
She wondered what kind of face she was making. She desperately hoped she looked like a woman confessing her love—fresh and full of longing. Only then would Hayden believe her.
Love had become a sentiment she found nauseatingly tiresome; now, it was merely a weapon.
'Shall we get married?'
A sweet, low voice from the past echoed in her ears.
'Don't you see? I'm holding onto you right now.'
Her eyelids trembled.
Only now did she understand the desperation Declan had shown back then. It must have been the reaction of a man eager to achieve his goal. If she had only agreed to the marriage, his plans would have proceeded with ease.
Whatever those plans were, and regardless of why he had destroyed her family, the attitude Vanessa had once believed to be love was nothing more than a scheme.
I am sick of it.
Vanessa suppressed her rising nausea and looked up at Hayden. His face was now flushed beyond hiding.
Even this was a stark contrast to Declan. No matter how many times she had told him she loved him, he had never wavered. Yet Hayden was easily shaken by a confession—or a pseudo-confession—asking if she could "harbor a greedy desire."
It was proof of his sincerity.
[Hayden] "That..."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "I cannot say that the desire is yours alone..."
Hayden spoke while covering his mouth, unable to meet her eyes. His faintly reddened face radiated a warmth that could melt any woman's heart.
[Hayden] "Because it was I who wanted you from the very beginning."
Compared to her directness, his was a private and cautious confession. Gently but firmly, he admitted that he had chosen her as his intended bride—the person he wished to marry.
[Hayden] "My own greed might actually be greater than yours."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "Would you still be alright with that?"
In all her memories, big and small, this was the first time Hayden had ever voiced his feelings. Only then did Vanessa realize he was a man far more serious and thoughtful than she had imagined.
The guilt of using such a man swelled within her, but for now, she was too blinded by her own fury to acknowledge it.
[Vanessa] "Yes."
At her answer, Hayden looked overwhelmed with joy.
In contrast, Vanessa felt nothing. The words she spoke, the way she acted, the look in her eyes, even her voice—everything was hollow. It hadn't been this way with Declan.
Looking back... the reaction she was showing now was undoubtedly composed of nothing but pretense and lies.
In her perfectly fabricated attitude, there was not a trace of love to be found.
The marriage proceedings moved forward steadily.
It was as if they had been destined to be a pair from the start; nothing hindered the preparations.
While a few officials were displeased that a lady from a mere Count's family would become the future Empress, her renowned beauty and the sacred history of the Rohawk family—who had long served the gods—were enough to offset their complaints.
The only issue was that it was taking longer than expected.
To speed up the wedding as much as possible, the engagement ceremony was skipped. In the Ingzella Empire, an engagement was largely ceremonial; the wedding and the preceding "Covenant Ceremony" were what truly mattered.
Normally, an Imperial wedding is a national affair that takes at least a year and a half to prepare. However, at Vanessa’s insistence, the process was shortened to one year.
That meant she had to endure another year before she was officially bound to Hayden’s family. Considering her marriage to Declan had happened in just three months, this period felt agonizingly long.
But this wasn't just a union between noble houses; it was a state marriage. Shortening the wait by six months was already a sign of great generosity from the Imperial family.
Actually, the wedding date was the least of her concerns.
[Hayden] "Vanessa."
The voice speaking her name felt foreign. She felt sheepish at her own inability to get used to that strangeness.
[Hayden] "Here."
Hayden, seemingly unaware of her discomfort, placed some food on her plate. She smiled awkwardly and picked up her knife.
Hayden was kind. He was so gentle and sweet in every interaction that one might think a person made of pure honey would look like Hayden de Ingzella.
He possessed such an unblemished spirit. Whenever she spoke with him, she understood why he was so popular among the noble ladies. He was the perfect ideal for anyone.
Since he was a man who was equitably kind to everyone, imagine how devoted he was to the one he loved. Hayden, who surely spent his life being served as a high-ranking royal, took care of Vanessa at every moment with the diligence of a servant.
The problem wasn't Hayden; it was Vanessa.
Even if revenge had been her only goal at first, any woman's heart would naturally waver before a consistently kind man.
Moreover, Hayden was no ordinary man. He was the Crown Prince and strikingly handsome. He was a perfect man who lacked nothing. There were moments when she honestly wished her heart would move for him.
But...
Why does my heart not flutter?
The sea of emotions within her remained perfectly still.
If she had no experience, she might have mistaken this comfortable sensation for love, but she knew exactly what love felt like.
Because of that, she felt the difference acutely. If it were genuine love, her heart should have hammered wildly at a single word from him—just as it had nearly burst whenever Declan touched or kissed her long ago.
Yet, in her time with Hayden... such a reaction was nowhere to be found. If Declan was a crashing wave, Hayden was a calm ripple. It was peaceful, but it provided no spark.
I shouldn't compare them. He is a completely different person from that man.
She shook her head inwardly and ate the meat he had served her. Just as she had vowed, comparing Hayden to Declan was almost an insult to him, considering what Declan had done to her.
And yet, she couldn't stop thinking about it.
It irritated her that the man’s presence now intruded upon her thoughts at all hours. Effortlessly cutting off her thoughts of Declan, she tried to focus on the present moment with Hayden.
It was high noon, with the sun shining brightly.
She was having lunch with Hayden at his palace.
Though they had both agreed to the marriage, the decision had been made so hastily that they hadn't had enough time to get to know each other. Thus, they had been meeting almost every day lately to spend their leisure time together. It was a form of dating.
His kindness was absolute. Vanessa had received many instances of unearned favor due to her beauty, but no one had ever shown her such a devoted attitude as the Crown Prince. He had no idea that the more he treated her this way, the more her guilt grew.
[Hayden] "Is the food to your liking?"
[Vanessa] "Of course. It's delicious."
She was in the middle of answering him when—
Knock, knock.
There was a knock at the door. When Hayden gave his permission, the door opened slightly, and the Chief Seneschal appeared.
[Seneschal] "Your Highness."
[Hayden] "What is it?"
[Seneschal] "Well, just now... Your Grace!"
Before the Seneschal could finish his report….
BANG!
The door swung wide open.
Her shoulders flinched at the violent sound that shattered the peace.
Stepping through the rattling doorway was none other than Declan.
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