Acidity of Regret Ch 5
- Dec 15, 2025
- 9 min read
Updated: Dec 16, 2025
Throughout their repeated trysts, Declan had never once laid bare his heart.
Was it only his heart he kept hidden?
His eyes, always so still, revealed no tremor, leaving her constantly wondering what thoughts occupied his mind.
His enigmatic approach was always dangerous. Even keeping that in mind, Vanessa did not distance herself from him.
Had he merely been after her body—and had she realized it, this relationship would have been severed long ago.
But he only ever kissed her. He never once pushed to go further, a restraint that strangely made her feel he was not treating her lightly.
Vanessa realized that as her meetings with him continued, something was growing inside her. Something akin to affection.
But she couldn't show it. In this conservative, noble society, it was rare for a woman to express her feelings to a man first, and even more so, Vanessa had never confessed her heart to anyone before.
There was no reason for her to have such an experience; she was surrounded by men who claimed love at first sight or professed their adoration, revealing their ulterior motives long before she ever had to express anything.
Moreover, putting aside her inexperience, she was terrified that the moment she revealed her feelings, this precarious relationship would crack wide open.
If Declan did not harbor the same feelings—if his heart did not mirror hers—this bond would surely shatter into pieces. And those sharp fragments would inevitably leave deep scars on her heart.
She didn't want that. The greater the affection she held in her heart, the greater her resistance to admitting it.
In any case, Vanessa's feelings for him were hard to define with a single word.
Cherishing that sentiment like a treasure tucked away in a corner of her heart, even as she continued to spend considerable time with Declan
But the heart she had guarded so well wavered like a sheet of paper at his words that he had to return to the Grand Duchy.
She sank into a distant, intrusive thought:
Is there, perhaps, someone he loves back in the Grand Duchy?
Chewing on her lips, Vanessa only managed to speak after a long pause.
[Vanessa] "Is there, by chance... in the Grand Duchy..."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "...someone waiting for you?"
It was an ambiguous question. The subject was vague, and the word referring to the person was faint. But with the sensation of their kiss still vivid on his lips, he surely understood.
Declan stared down at her wordlessly. His gaze was so intense it felt as stinging as an arrowhead.
Vanessa usually met his eyes, but this time, she couldn't. The moment his gaze touched her, her heart rate accelerated as if someone were pounding on her chest.
Peck.
Her eyes widened at the sudden, feather-light kiss that brushed the corner of her mouth. His pupils, like the night sea, were suddenly right in front of her.
[Declan] "There is no one."
His answer was short, yet so intense that her anxiety melted away as if it had never existed.
The man before her had been honest in everything since the moment they first met. So, he wouldn't be lying this time either. His unwavering gaze and steadfast voice lent weight to that judgment.
Today, too, her cloud-like affection grew without any sign of dispersing.
Vanessa smiled bashfully without realizing it. Declan’s gaze lingered on that smile for an unusually long time.
Soon, realizing that quite a bit of time had passed, the two stepped out of the balcony. But seeing someone standing stock-still outside, where she thought no one would be, Vanessa was startled.
[Vanessa] "Ah, E-Elliot."
Realizing the figure was a knight of the Rohawk family, Vanessa swept a hand over her chest in relief.
He was the one who had stayed by her side since childhood, growing up without siblings, making him like an older brother to her.
Since her earliest memories, he had served her father and her, so to Vanessa, Elliot was like family, though they shared no blood.
The knight, Elliot, stared with sharp eyes at the Grand Duke who had followed his lady out.
Vanessa took a step closer to him, shielding Declan from his view, and asked.
[Vanessa] "What brings you here?"
[Elliot] "It is very late, My Lady. Please return to the manor now. The Count is waiting for you."
Usually, he was the type who wouldn't reveal himself until she sought him out, but today was different.
She guessed this must be her father’s instruction. Unless it was the Count’s order, Elliot would never have taken such unexpected action.
Count Rohawk had not attended the gathering today. It was clear he had given separate orders out of worry that something might happen to his beautiful daughter.
Since before Vanessa came of age—that is, ever since the Countess passed away—he was a man who lived only for his daughter.
Vanessa moved reluctantly, stealing a glance behind her. It was regrettable that, due to Elliot’s appearance, she felt they were parting without a proper goodbye.
Especially since once they parted this time, he would return to the Grand Duchy, and she didn't know when they would meet again.
Her walking speed slowed as hesitation surged within her.
However, the pitch-black darkness casting shadows inside the building made it hard to see Declan’s face. She could only make out the solid jawline she had traced with her fingertips so many times.
Well, even without checking, he was likely wearing the same impassive expression as always.
She swallowed her regret and turned her head.
As she walked down the stairs, she asked Elliot, who stood beside her, in a hushed voice.
[Vanessa] "Elliot. Did you know... I was on the balcony?"
[Elliot] "Yes."
[Vanessa] "Since when?"
[Elliot] "Not for very long."
She was about to ask:
Then did you also know I was with the Duke the whole time?
But stopped herself. It felt like digging her own grave.
However, she wasn't worried. He was a man of few words and a knight belonging to her family, so he wouldn't go around blabbing about what he saw today to others.
The only problem was if the story reached her father’s ears.
[Vanessa] "Um, Elliot."
[Elliot] "Yes."
[Vanessa] "Can we keep what happened today a secret between just the two of us?"
When she asked with an awkward eye-smile, Elliot cast a steady gaze at her without answering.
That lingering look seemed to pinpoint her secret time with the Grand Duke, making her feel guilty for no reason.
[Vanessa] "Okay? Please."
She grabbed his arm tightly, infusing her plea with desperation. Elliot furrowed his brow as if conflicted, but eventually gave a slight nod. Only then did she feel relieved.
The next day.
Vanessa was summoned early in the morning and headed to the Count’s office. Count Rohawk welcomed her and graciously offered her refreshments.
Starting with the banquet she attended yesterday, they chatted affectionately for a while until there was a lull in the conversation.
Count Rohawk, who had been fidgeting with his teacup with a somewhat complicated expression, suddenly cleared his throat. It was an attempt to shift the mood, and her gaze naturally turned to her father.
[Count Rohawk] "Um, Vanessa."
[Vanessa] "Yes."
[Count Rohawk] "A marriage proposal has come in for you."
As she was famous as the Angel of Ingzella, proving her popularity, marriage proposals had been flooding in like a tide from the moment she came of age.
The suitors ranged from decent, unmarried young lords of the Empire to the minor kingdoms of the distant frontiers.
Of course, Count Rohawk, who cherished his daughter too much, had rejected every proposal so far, using the excuse that it was too early.
It was unexpected for him to bring up a marriage proposal first.
[Vanessa] "A marriage proposal?"
[Count Rohawk] "Yes. You know, I've been having private audiences with His Majesty the Emperor frequently these days? Actually, those meetings were arranged to discuss proceeding with an engagement between you and His Highness the Crown Prince."
Vanessa was so shocked that she couldn't manage her expression for a moment.
An engagement between the Crown Prince and herself.
Of course, given the nature of noble society, it was common for marriages to be arranged between people who had only met in passing a few times, but to think it was a member of the Imperial Family...
Vanessa vaguely tried to picture the Crown Prince, Hayden, in her mind. He felt exceedingly unfamiliar.
Even without digging deep into her memories, the impression that stuck naturally was 'awkward.'
Since it was a subject-ruler relationship, she had occasionally visited to greet him, but that was all. She had never exchanged a personal word with him.
[Count Rohawk] "What do you think? I am curious about your opinion."
It was a marriage with the Imperial Family, no less. Any ordinary noble would have been blinded by the immense power to be gained from the union and accepted the offer immediately, regardless of their child's thoughts.
But Count Rohawk couldn't bear to do that. She was his only daughter, whom he had raised with utmost care, so immensely cherished that she was beyond compare.
He couldn't force a marriage on a whim without asking his daughter's opinion. His sincerity permeated this single question.
Vanessa lowered her eyes demurely.
Strangely, in this moment, the Grand Duke Vinkart came to mind.
The man she was with on the second-floor balcony yesterday. No, not just with... the man she had kissed most passionately.
Unlike the Crown Prince, who was so blurry she couldn't recall him instantly, Declan's face was so vivid it made her heart tremble.
She didn't fail to understand what that meant. Love... perhaps she wasn't sure yet, but she certainly held affection for him. Romantic affection.
[Vanessa] "I... I don't really know."
Vanessa, who had opened her mouth hesitantly, eventually swallowed hard and shook her head.
[Vanessa] "No, actually, I would prefer if you did not accept it."
[Count Rohawk] "Is there a particular reason?"
[Vanessa] "...Because there is someone I hold dear."
[Count Rohawk] "..."
[Vanessa] "That is why."
It was the first time she had shared such a private matter with her father, so she worried he might be surprised.
But unexpectedly, Count Rohawk remained calm. No, rather, his expression grew darker than when he had brought up the marriage proposal.
[Count Rohawk] "Are you, perhaps, speaking of Grand Duke Vinkart?"
At the name that popped out of her father's mouth, Vanessa was genuinely startled and stiffened.
[Vanessa] "Father, how did you..."
[Count Rohawk] "I heard it from Elliot yesterday. He said he saw you with the Grand Duke."
She never thought Elliot would break his promise in this way.
In her haste, she had overlooked the fact that before being her escort knight, Elliot was a man who served her father. So, he likely couldn't give a false report to her father's questioning.
She knew well how deep his loyalty was. However, she was very upset by that loyalty this time, and flustered that her secret had been laid bare before she could tell it herself.
[Count Rohawk] "Seeing that you don't deny it, it must be true."
The Count, looking as if he might collapse at any moment, wiped his face with dry hands.
[Count Rohawk] "Vanessa, do not get close to him... to the Grand Duke."
[Vanessa] "Why?"
[Count Rohawk] "You know it too. Just how that family is..."
The Count let out a heavy sigh, as if he feared the result of even speaking the words.
Realizing he was referring to the truth erased from history—the truth entwined with the Grand Ducal family—Vanessa clenched her hands tight.
[Vanessa] "He isn't such a dangerous person. No, on the contrary, he is incredibly gentle."
If he were truly a man who harbored only revenge in his heart, following the will of his ancestors who cultivated a barren land with resentment and rage, could he have gifted her such a soft and tender kiss? The act of wiping her lips afterward. The touch that tidied her hair?
To consider him a villain who only wielded a sword and craved the blood of others... her memories with him were infinitely soft and heart-fluttering.
[Count Rohawk] "If he intended to deceive you, putting on an act would be easy enough."
But Count Rohawk didn't listen to his daughter's denial, not even with one ear.
[Count Rohawk] "You must be wary of the Vinkart family."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Count Rohawk] "They are cold-blooded people without blood or tears. Ever since they were split off from the Imperial Family as if being chased away, they have lived harboring a powerful, inherited grudge in their hearts. That resentment became their driving force to carve out the barren North by gnawing on the flesh and blood of others, and it is the reason that the family has survived until now."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Count Rohawk] "I don't know what you felt from him, but what history points to does not change."
He recited in a soft but firm voice, as if he thought Vanessa simply didn't know the rumors properly.
Her father was a man who had lived decades longer than her and acquired the wisdom of life. So Vanessa usually followed her father's opinion without a second thought.
But this time, she couldn't. This bright red emotion that had already taken root in her heart willingly rejected him.
In the end, neither the marriage proposal nor the warning to be wary of the Grand Duke could pierce her heart.
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