Acidity of Regret Ch 53
- Jan 12
- 8 min read
[Vanessa] "I think you are mistaken about something."
Vanessa was, by nature, a gentle soul. She was soft-hearted. Growing up in a world where everyone showed her nothing but affection, she’d never had a reason to harden her resolve.
Had she not possessed such a malleable spirit, she would have turned the dagger on him instead of herself in her previous life. Fuelled by layers of resentment and hatred, she would have wished for his death rather than her own.
Yet, because of that very nature, she found herself paralyzed by fear of Declan even as her hatred for him burned bright.
Since her return, her only desire was to sever all ties with him. She wanted to protect those he had taken from her and find happiness far beyond the reach of his gilded cage. She had never even dreamed of a cruel, biting revenge; the terror Declan had instilled in her heart was too vast to allow for such thoughts.
What if she challenged him and he destroyed everything again? If she lost this second chance so pointlessly, there would be no greater tragedy.
All she wanted was for Declan to be a stranger. To live a life where she was no longer swayed by him. That was the only genuine revenge she sought.
But everything had shattered when he appeared with his own memories of the past. He acted only as he pleased, obsessively trying to reclaim her. He was pining for the foolish Vanessa Rohawk of the past—the one who knew nothing and followed him blindly.
Watching him throw what amounted to a childish tantrum, she feared her desired separation would never truly come to pass.
Yet, the moment he showed his vulnerability, Vanessa found her path. The sudden thrumming in her chest was undeniably the thrill of someone who had found a lifeline at the edge of a precipice.
[Vanessa] "I will not deny that I once loved you."
The sound of the rain hissed against the balcony, making the atmosphere turn frigid. Her voice was just as cold.
[Vanessa] "But those days are over."
Declan looked at her with an expression she didn't recognize. The predatory edge vanished, replaced instantly by a fragile, wavering uncertainty.
She met his gaze directly, her words deliberate.
[Vanessa] "He is a kind man."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "He treats me with such devotion that I often wonder if I deserve it, or how I was lucky enough to meet someone like him."
His face began to contort, inch by painful inch. He knew exactly who she was talking about.
She felt the hand gripping her wrist begin to tremble. When she gave it a slight twist, his hold broke easily—a clear sign that he had lost his will to fight.
His gaze dropped. She stared at his chest and whispered.
[Vanessa] "That is why… I find myself drawn to him."
Hayden. To that man.
She didn't need to speak his name for Declan to understand. His entire body went rigid. The light in his eyes, which had been brimming with volatile emotion, dulled as if worn down to nothing. The predatory glint that had been terrifying only moments ago vanished instantly.
Just as her heart had detached from him, her hand slid away from his sleeve.
[Declan] "Liar."
Declan lunged for her hand again, as if grabbing for a fraying rope. This time, his grip wasn't violent. He cradled the back of her hand gently, almost as if he were pleading with her not to go.
[Declan] "Do not lie to me."
His blue pupils surged like a turbulent sea. It was a window into his soul; his heart was trembling, stripped of all its usual brilliance. He looked so precarious that a single touch might cause him to crumble.
All because of one sentence—that her heart no longer belonged to him.
Was he always this easy? Was he a man who could be dismantled so simply?
Vanessa felt a wave of emptiness, wondering why she had struggled so desperately against him. Even so, she continued to twist the knife in his wound.
[Vanessa] "...That man apologizes more than he needs to."
She caught his wrist and pried his hand off her.
[Vanessa] "If the food is slightly off, if the wind blows too hard, or if he keeps me waiting for even a moment—he says he’s sorry for things that aren't even his fault."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "He is nothing like you."
His hand slid down, limp. The shift in his aura was sudden, almost bewildering, but she understood the cause. Her admission that she was attracted to Hayden must have been a devastating blow.
[Vanessa] "Because you… You never did that for me."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "Not before I returned, and certainly not after."
At first, the words were meant only to wound him. But strangely, a surge of violent emotion rose in her chest—anger, resentment, and a deep, aching grief.
She had set out to break him, yet she felt as though she were the one falling apart. Her cold logic began to blur, replaced by sharp, jagged emotions that shook her to the core.
[Vanessa] "Not once did you ever say you were sorry."
Even if it had been a lie.
How had he behaved since they met again? He had done nothing but suppress her using the same old methods.
When she avoided his gaze, he forced her to look at him. When she ignored him, he forced a kiss upon her. He grabbed her wrists and her chin at will. He threatened her. It was always about his desires; her feelings were never respected. He acted as if she were someone who didn't deserve respect at all.
Relationships were a process of finding a shared rhythm, yet he had never once matched his stride to hers. If she tried to walk ahead, he tripped her; if she lagged, he dragged her along. He only ever walked at his own pace, forcing her to match his stride.
That was not treating someone as an equal.
He had no genuine intention of understanding her pain; he only wanted to suffocate her further. That was why this man was the absolute worst.
[Vanessa] "I am not someone you can just treat however you please..."
No matter how much she had been crushed and trampled, she still had her pride. He had wounded and struck at it repeatedly, but the fragments remained. Even if they were scattered across the floor.
[Vanessa] "I am a person who deserves respect. But you… you always..."
The thoughts she had tried so hard to keep hidden came spilling out. Vanessa only realized she was crying after the torrent of words had left her. She didn't want him to see her like this. She lowered her head, hurriedly wiping away the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Declan stood frozen, staring at her as if he had forgotten how to breathe.
The accusation that he had never apologized hit him harder than the claim that she was drawn to Hayden. It was as if someone had struck him across the back of the head, paralyzing his very thoughts.
Then, her tears—falling down her pale, blanched cheeks—drove a stake through his heart. A sharp, piercing pain spread through his chest, so intense it felt as though his heart were being carved out. He instinctively clenched his fists. It wasn't the first time he had seen her cry, so why… why did it feel like this?
While he stood there like a stone statue, Vanessa took a moment to breathe and gather the emotions that had leaked out like a burst pipe.
Being with him made her emotional control malfunction. She didn't want to be swayed, yet she found herself reacting; she wanted to remain calm, yet she found herself exploding with rage. This lack of restraint was exhausting.
[Vanessa] "You don't even love me. So please, just stop this."
Her voice was weary as she made her final statement and turned to leave the balcony.
[Declan] "Why do you say that?"
As she moved past him, he finally spoke. His voice trailed off at the end, heavy with a sense of ruin.
[Declan] "Why… are you so certain that I do not love you?"
This time, he used no physical force, yet she stopped in her tracks as if her ankles had been seized.
The wind gusted, spraying rain onto the balcony. A damp chill brushed against her cheek, and she couldn't tell if it was the rain or the remnants of her tears.
She turned her head halfway back, her face devoid of emotion.
[Vanessa] "Because you made me certain."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "Your actions. Your methods. None of it was love."
[Declan] "I..."
[Vanessa] "And… just like an apology, you never once told me that you loved me."
Her pathetic death was the only thing she gained from her first life.
As she had faded away in his arms, Vanessa had realized one agonizing truth at the very end: Declan had never once said the words "I love you."
She had confessed her heart to him every single day, like a mandatory ritual. She had pushed past her shyness to speak the words as if the next day wouldn't come without them. But she had never received an answer.
If he had loved her, he would have responded. Declan was always a blunt, honest man. But Vanessa had never heard a confession, let alone an apology. That cruel reality had eventually forced her to see the truth.
Declan did not love her, and he felt no remorse for what he had done.
A fierce wind began to whip rain across the balcony. They had been arguing for so long that they were both now soaked to the bone. Finding the storm-like atmosphere too much to bear, she left him behind and stepped inside.
As she turned to head back to the VIP seating—
[Vanessa] "...!"
Someone she never expected to see was leaning against the wall.
[Vanessa] "Hayden? When did you..."
Hayden, who she assumed was still inside watching the play, was staring at her. With his arms crossed and his gaze fixed on her, he didn't look like he had just arrived. Instead, it felt as though he had been standing there for a while, waiting for someone to come out.
How much did he hear?
If he had been there, he would have likely overheard her entire conversation with Declan.
Her mind raced, replaying the words. Drawn to him, sorry, love… It was a conversation filled with words that could never exist between ordinary acquaintances.
She had to explain. Before he misunderstood.
[Vanessa] "Just now..."
As she was racking her brain for an excuse, Hayden straightened up and reached out. His movement was incredibly slow, giving her no reason to be alarmed, yet she reflexively flinched.
Hayden paused for a heartbeat, as if affected by her reaction, before smiling and gently touching her damp hair.
[Hayden] "How are you feeling?"
[Vanessa] "Oh, I… I’m feeling much better now."
[Hayden] "I’m glad to hear it. Is it raining out there? Your hair is wet."
[Vanessa] "Yes. Um, about the play..."
[Hayden] "It’s almost at the climax."
[Vanessa] "Then why are you out here?"
[Hayden] "Because I was worried about you, Vanessa. Declan left his seat as well; did you happen to see him?"
Hayden’s gentle smile was exactly as it always was. It seemed he hadn't heard the conversation after all.
Her heart, which had been thumping wildly, slowly found its peace under his familiar grin.
Whenever Declan was involved, she found herself habitually checking Hayden’s reaction. She felt like a sinner in his presence.
Initially, she had chosen him as a means to help herself. Her "love" for him was a calculated lie, though she had hoped she might eventually develop such feelings.
But a lie was still a lie. Furthermore, her confrontation earlier had proven that Hayden’s existence was a source of pain for Declan. Vanessa was determined to use that lie to drive Declan away for good. It was the only way to sever the bond between them.
She pushed her guilt toward Hayden deep into the corners of her heart once more.
[Vanessa] "I'm not sure. I don't think he came this way."
At Hayden's suggestion that they head back, Vanessa stole a glance toward the balcony before nodding her head.
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