Acidity of Regret Ch 55

[Attendant] "I shall fetch an umbrella at once!"

The attendant who had been waiting with her scrambled back inside the palace.

Vanessa stood leaning against a gilded pillar, staring blankly ahead. She had grown accustomed to the rain that had fallen for days on end, yet the memories that resurfaced with each downpour remained hauntingly foreign.

‘Why do you say that?’

It was a memory of her conversation with Declan on the balcony the night of the play.

‘Why… are you so certain that I do not love you?’

Just as she was beginning to feel the damp chill of the reminiscence seeping into her skin, a sudden presence cast a shadow over her. Thinking the attendant had already returned, she turned her head.

[Vanessa] "..."

Of all people.

The very protagonist of the memories brought by the rain stood before her once again. His face was partially obscured by the arc of an open umbrella.

[Vanessa] "I am fine, you may go."

Offering an umbrella was a small courtesy, one difficult to reject outright. But as long as the benefactor was Declan, it was a kindness that would undeniably leave a bitter aftertaste.

She refused to accept even a gift of his kindness. Had she not already learned her lesson? She had once dipped her toe into his "sweetness" only to find herself drowning in agony. It was a hell coated in honey—a trap she had been too foolish to recognize then.

Despite her icy dismissal, the umbrella remained fixed over her head.

[Declan] "Where is your attendant?"

[Vanessa] "They will be here shortly."

[Declan] "Then use this until they arrive."

[Vanessa] "I told you I don’t need it."

Even in the face of her sharp retort, the steady hand holding the umbrella revealed his stubborn nature. He was behaving like a willful child.

While she wanted nothing more than to swat the umbrella away, they were in the Imperial Palace. She had no desire to cause a scene in a place where passersby could easily take note.

She stood a careful distance away, treating him like a stranger, when she suddenly recalled her conversation with Hayden.

[Vanessa] "I heard you are participating in the tournament."

The words escaped her lips before she could finish debating whether to speak them. Her concern had been weighing on her mind.

Though she initiated the conversation, she kept her eyes fixed forward. To any observer, it wouldn't even look as if she were speaking to Declan.

[Vanessa] "Should you happen to duel Hayden..."

[Declan] "..."

[Vanessa] "...ensure that you do not harm him."

A tournament inevitably pitted the strong against one another. Vanessa knew Hayden had undergone rigorous swordsmanship training since childhood; his skill was actually comparable to that of a seasoned knight. Given his humble nature, the confidence he showed earlier was certainly not without foundation.

If they both continued to win their bouts, it was only a matter of time before they met. She wished Hayden would withdraw early, but seeing how he had asked her to come and cheer for him, he was clearly determined.

[Declan] "Why?"

She expected a characteristic outburst of malice or a biting remark. Instead, he asked the question with surprising composure. The change in his reaction was so jarring that she reflexively turned to look at him.

[Vanessa] "...What do you mean by 'why'? Because—"

[Declan] "Why do you call that man by his first name?"

She thought he was asking for a reason not to harm him, but he had latched onto an entirely different detail. She stared at him, bewildered, before answering flatly.

[Vanessa] "Because we are to be married soon."

[Declan] "..."

[Vanessa] "Since we haven't had much time to get to know each other, I wanted us to become close more quickly."

Hearing her bold reply, one might assume Vanessa had been the one to suggest the informality. In reality, it had been Hayden’s request. Had he not asked first, the name "Hayden" would never have crossed her lips.

[Declan] "Marriage..."

A crack formed in the straight line of his lips. He let out a dry, mocking half-laugh and narrowed his eyes. The atmosphere shifted in an instant, making it hard to believe he had been conversing calmly only moments before.

Vanessa knew this side of him all too well. This was his genuine face.

It was then that a sharp female voice rang out from behind him.

[Helia] "Declan!"

Vanessa’s gaze naturally shifted toward the sound. There stood a young noblewoman, drenched to the bone by the rain. Dressed in a vibrant gown, she was trembling with fury, her fists clenched tight.

It didn't take long for Vanessa to recognize her. It was Helia Quasar—the woman who, in her memories as the Grand Duchess, had been obsessed with tormenting her.

Why is she here? She belongs to the Duchy, not the Empire.

[Declan] "Do you honestly intend to take this to the end?"

Vanessa, who had been trying to process the sudden appearance of Helia, flinched at the chilling depth of his voice. Her eyes snapped back to him.

Despite Helia's cries, Declan remained motionless, his eyes locked solely on Vanessa. He looked as though he were suppressing a rage that was about to explode.

At that moment, she finally noticed how haggard he looked. Because of his large, imposing frame, she hadn't realized he was wasting away. But looking closely, he was becoming gaunt—slowly, bit by bit. Like a plant gradually withering.

Every time he met Vanessa, it was as if his sunlight was stolen; every time they spoke, his water was drained. He looked more ruined with every encounter, like a living thing being robbed of its vital essence.

[Vanessa] "The end..."

She had been so distracted by the change in him that her response was a beat late.

[Vanessa] "I was prepared for that from the start. I told you, I will marry Hayden no matter what."

[Declan] "And I told you as well. If you wish to see how I will react, then proceed."

His threats were as consistent as ever. She wore a faint, bitter smile that felt as cold as the rain.

[Vanessa] "If you intend to destroy my family again, go ahead."

Because this time, I won't let everything go according to your plan.

Before she could finish the thought—

[Declan] "I won't do such a thing!"

He shouted, looking as though he were suffocating from a blockage in his chest. His heavy voice thundered through the open space.

Several people walking nearby turned to look. Vanessa felt a surge of relief that the umbrella hid much of her face.

[Declan] "...I won't do that."

Realizing his outburst, he lowered his voice and wiped his face with his hand. The gesture was heavy with exhaustion. She watched him, feeling a sense of utter absurdity.

[Vanessa] "Why do you keep acting as if you are the one who is suffering?"

Declan winced at the sharp accusation. He slowly raised his eyes, which had been cast down. Within those fierce pupils, a trace of confusion lingered.

It was strange.

Truly strange. In the past, she had been driven to madness because she could never tell what was hidden behind those eyes. She had been anxious and desperate, clinging to him as if her life depended on it.

Why was it that she could see through him so clearly now?

Even though she had no desire to peek into his heart, his emotions forced their way into her mind. It made her pay attention. But it brought nothing but annoyance and fatigue. Whether she understood his feelings or not, he never failed to make her miserable.

[Vanessa] "That is a hard answer for me to believe."

[Declan] "..."

[Vanessa] "Because I know your methods."

[Declan] "..."

[Vanessa] "If you want something, you break it and ruin it without a shred of guilt. And if only ruins remain, you scramble to possess even those... That is your foul way of doing things."

Vanessa was surprised at herself for uttering such venomous words. Since dealing with him, she had discovered parts of the inner self she never knew existed. Declan had a god-given talent for pulling out her darkest traits.

[Vanessa] "I want us to reach the end as well. I want to be finished with you once and for all."

She couldn't imagine what that end would look like. It was like the play she had missed—the climax remained unseen.

There were many possibilities. He might cry, she might cry, or... they both might. But in her imagination, there was no version where they looked at each other and smiled.

[Declan] "...Vanessa."

[Vanessa] "I have made myself clear. Do not harm Hayden, my fiancé."

Having declared the end of their relationship, she deliberately brought up Hayden to provoke him. His brow furrowed unpleasantly. He wore a strange expression that sat somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

[Declan] "And if I refuse?"

[Vanessa] "Then I will have one more reason to hate you."

A look of bitterness washed over his face. It lasted only a moment before his expression returned to a blank mask, and he suddenly reached out.

His powerful arm wrapped around her slender waist, pulling her in. They were so close their chests nearly touched. As she struggled to break free, his low voice drifted into her ear.

[Declan] "Good."

[Vanessa] "Let me go."

[Declan] "I would rather be hated than ignored."

She glared up at him, her eyes like daggers.

[Declan] "To be hated means there is still some feeling left in you."

The words were bold and silver-tongued, yet to her, they sounded like the desperate thrashing of someone trying to cling to a thread of hope.

He didn't even realize that his behavior only made her more repulsed.

[Vanessa] "That is such a typical thought for you. It’s disgusting and exhausting."

She pushed against his chest with all her might, her words laced with poison.

As she stepped back, the umbrella Declan had been holding fell to the ground. Now that she could see it clearly, she realized it wasn't an umbrella a man like him would carry. It looked like a lady's umbrella. She remembered Helia Quasar standing behind him.

[Vanessa] "Is this not a waste of your time?"

Vanessa picked up the umbrella lying pathetically on the ground and handed it back to him. Declan didn't take it; he only stared at her. His gaze was so mournful it looked as though he were the one who had been wounded.

[Vanessa] "You should spend your time on another woman instead."

Heavy raindrops fell from the sky, eating away at the two of them. Water cascaded down his sharp, angular cheeks. It looked like tears. Declan and tears—it was a combination that hardly made a pair. A cold-blooded man like him would never shed a tear.

Just then, she saw her attendant approaching with an umbrella.

Vanessa sighed as she looked at him, still refusing to take the umbrella. She folded it and set it aside. She wanted to hurl it at his feet, but she knew there were eyes everywhere.

Feeling lighter, she turned away without hesitation.

Guided by her attendant, she climbed into the carriage and looked out the window.

Declan was still standing there, motionless. In the middle of the endless rain, he stared intently in the direction she had gone. The downpour was so thick she couldn't see his expression clearly. Not that she wanted to.

Vanessa pulled the curtains shut.

It was a perfect isolation.

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