Acidity of Regret Ch 61
- Jan 18
- 7 min read
A childhood shattered by the weight of a forbidden love. Declan had taken the rage born from his father’s neglect and turned it entirely toward Hayden. He had made the Crown Prince his target, and he had chosen Vanessa as the perfect weapon to strike him down.
He knew that Hayden loved her. He knew that "love" was the very thing that could drag a man to his knees and destroy him.
[Vanessa] "You never loved me."
Since her rebirth, Vanessa had often told herself that he didn't love her, yet she hadn't been able to fully deny his feelings. She couldn't bring herself to believe that every moment was a lie.
The soft touch of his lips, the warmth of his embrace, and the tender whispers they shared in the dead of night—how could those memories be anything but love?
Until she found the reason behind his actions, she had closed her eyes to the truth, hoping that there was at least a shred of sincerity in his deception. But she was wrong.
He had never loved her. Not even for a second.
He only needed her as a pawn in his game of revenge.
[Vanessa] "You really are..."
Everything made sense now. His constant urgency—the way he reached for her in the bedroom, his hurried proposal when she tried to leave the Duchy, the rush to prepare their private wedding.
Stupid Vanessa Rohawk. There was nothing to be fooled by.
It was all just a man in a feverish hurry to make Hayden suffer as quickly as possible.
A wave of heat rose from deep within her chest. It was the stinging burn of betrayal. She thought she had already felt the worst of it in her past life, yet the pain bloomed anew, sharper than before.
Her eyes grew hot, and her nose tingled with the threat of tears. She had sworn never to cry in front of him again, but the tears came anyway. She couldn't stop them.
She was used to being broken by Declan. That familiar, wretched feeling of being trapped under his influence was a bitter reminder that she still hadn't escaped him.
She quickly wiped the tears away with her fingertips.
[Vanessa] "I didn't expect much, but you’ve fallen even lower than I imagined."
[Declan] "..."
[Vanessa] "You cruel man."
Once, she had collapsed in despair. Twice, she had been left hollow. Now, for the third time, she was nothing but ruins. She didn't know what feelings she had left for him. If anything remained, it was only the filth that belonged in those ruins—the rotting leftovers of a love that was never real.
She brushed past him, her shoulder hitting his with enough force to make a sound. She didn't stop. She unlocked the door and threw it open, only to freeze in shock.
A crowd was standing in the hallway. There was Dina, looking frantic with worry; Helia and a man who looked like her; and finally...
[Vanessa] "Hayden."
Life was a cruel joke. She wondered why she always had to run into the one person she didn't want to see at the worst possible moment.
[Vanessa] "So, you aren't badly hurt?"
[Hayden] "No. It wasn't even a serious injury, but everyone panicked and made a scene."
He shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. He moved his shoulder without any sign of pain, proving his words were true.
She let out a sigh of relief and looked out the window. The view from the drawing room in his palace was beautiful, but her mind was too restless to enjoy it. A breeze drifted through the open window, cooling her swollen eyes.
When she had seen Hayden standing outside that door, her heart had plummeted. He had looked at her, then glanced at Declan behind her, before quietly suggesting they go to his palace.
[Vanessa] "How did you happen to be there?"
[Hayden] "The infirmary I was sent to was nearby. I heard a commotion and went to check on it. They told me it was your personal maid."
[Vanessa] "I see..."
A heavy silence followed. She nervously gripped her teacup, picking it up and setting it down repeatedly. Eventually, she had to be the one to break the tension.
[Vanessa] "Why... aren't you asking me anything?"
[Hayden] "About what?"
[Vanessa] "About what happened in that room. Aren't you curious about why the Grand Duke was acting that way?"
It was better to speak first than to sit in agony, wondering when he would bring it up. Since they had arrived, he hadn't made a single mention of Declan.
He crossed his legs and let out a soft hum.
[Hayden] "Of course I'm curious. That’s why I was waiting for you to tell me when you were ready."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "But if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to. Being curious doesn't give me the right to force you to speak."
His constant kindness was almost overwhelming. She wasn't tired of him—she was tired of herself for deceiving such a gentle soul. In that moment, she realized exactly what she had done to him.
Declan had pretended to love her as a "tool." And she had been fooled by his lies, suffering an irreversible wound.
But how was Vanessa Rohawk’s behavior toward Hayden any different?
It isn't. I'm exactly like Declan.
She had lured Hayden into a marriage proposal, acting as if she had feelings for him when her heart was empty. She was manipulating him. She had condemned Declan for his cruelty, yet she had committed the same sin.
The weight of her guilt was heavier than ever.
She set down her cup and stood before him. While Hayden watched her with a puzzled look, she bowed deeply.
[Vanessa] "I am sorry, Your Highness."
She used his formal title instead of his name. Her voice was thick with the tears she was still fighting back.
[Vanessa] "I am so sorry... I lied to you."
[Hayden] "..."
[Vanessa] "The feelings I said I had for you... all of it was..."
Her words caught in her throat. She realized for the first time how heavy a single word could feel. But a moment later, she realized it wasn't her words that were heavy—it was her heart.
[Hayden] "I already knew."
Before she could finish, he spoke in a low, steady voice.
[Hayden] "I knew you didn't have any feelings for me."
She slowly raised her head, looking at him with trembling eyes.
[Hayden] "And while I can't name it exactly, I knew you and Declan had a complicated history."
[Vanessa] "How...?"
[Hayden] "I love you, Vanessa."
The confession was as calm as a passing breeze, making her catch her breath.
[Hayden] "When you love someone, you can't help but notice these things."
A trace of bitterness appeared on his face—a shadow he couldn't quite hide.
[Hayden] "Vanessa, you always tell me you're 'fine.' No matter what I try to do for you or what I ask, you always say the same thing. To me, that felt like you were drawing a line. A boundary telling me not to come any closer because my kindness was a burden."
She had never realized he felt that way.
Hayden is always saying he’s sorry.
She remembered telling Declan that once.
Just as she felt guilty toward Hayden, had Hayden felt the distance in her constant, polite refusals?
[Hayden] "I was jealous of Declan. I don't know what happened between you two, but you seemed to be honest with him. You showed him parts of yourself that you never showed me, the man you always tell you're 'fine' to."
He took a sip of his tea, revealing the thoughts he had kept hidden.
[Hayden] "The night we went to the theater, I realized it, and I was honestly jealous. But regardless of your history, you are my fiancée. I’ve always been soft when it comes to Declan, but once I realized the truth, I knew I had to keep him away from you. I’m sorry for that."
He was a man who never hesitated to show his emotions or humble himself. Even as a member of the Imperial family, he apologized constantly. For someone in his position, that was no easy feat.
Power usually makes people arrogant and cold. But Hayden was too kind to look down on others or act selfishly. His kindness and grace all came from his naturally good heart.
And so did his love—a love that could forgive a fiancée who was entangled with another man.
[Hayden] "Sometimes, when my jealousy got the better of me, I wished you would just break down and cry in front of me."
He gave a small, sheepish smile and walked toward her.
[Hayden] "But that was a foolish wish."
He reached out and gently brushed away a tear from her eye.
[Hayden] "Now that I see you crying, it hurts my heart too much."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "You are much more beautiful when you smile."
[Vanessa] "Your Highness."
She reached up and caught his hand, stopping him from touching her cheek. It was a clear, quiet rejection. The smile on his face slowly faded.
[Vanessa] "...I am so sorry."
[Hayden] "Why do you keep apologizing?"
The guilt she had been suppressing was even larger than she had imagined.
She took a step back, maintaining her distance. She closed her eyes tight, as if she were about to burst into tears again. She had to say it. If she didn't say it now, there would be no turning back.
[Vanessa] "The marriage... I want to call it off."
[Hayden] "Vanessa."
[Vanessa] "I don't think I can do this. I'm so sorry..."
How had things become so tangled?
Declan had started this game, but Vanessa felt as if she had stepped into a trap, repeating the nightmare of the previous generation. The Crown Prince, the Crown Princess, and the Grand Duke—even their titles were the same.
It felt like a tragic play. All because of love—that cursed thing that made people laugh, cry, and go slowly insane.
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