Acidity of Regret Ch 62
- Jan 19
- 7 min read
Her legs gave way. She sank to the floor like someone facing a truth too heavy to carry. Her voluminous skirts flared around her, making it look as though she were kneeling before Hayden.
In truth, she felt like throwing herself at his feet. The more her anger toward Declan burned, the more her guilt toward this man grew.
[Hayden] "Actually, I should be the one to apologize."
Vanessa, who had been struggling to swallow her tears, froze at his words.
[Hayden] "I know how much you are suffering, yet I cannot bring myself to give up on this marriage."
[Vanessa] "..."
[Hayden] "You may use me."
Her deep green eyes, which had been fixed on the floor like those of a condemned prisoner, flickered with shock. She looked up at him, unable to believe what she had just heard.
[Vanessa] "...What did you say?"
[Hayden] "I am saying it is all right if you marry me only to achieve your goals."
[Vanessa] "Your Highness."
[Hayden] "I believe we agreed to call each other by our names."
[Vanessa] "...Hayden. But this is—"
[Hayden] "This is an opportunity for me as well."
His lips curled into a faint, gentle smile as he watched her confusion.
[Hayden] "I don’t intend to let you use me forever. During our time together, I will do everything in my power to move your heart. I will work until you truly want to be with me."
It was madness. He spoke as if it were a simple matter, but how could any decent person accept such an arrangement?
[Hayden] "Give me a chance."
This man, who seemed to know nothing but how to love, was stubborn. Even though she was offering him an exit, he insisted on stepping into the mire. He was determined to force his way into the dark, twisted entanglement between her and Declan.
To her, he looked like a fool blinded by his own heart.
[Vanessa] "Hayden."
But Hayden, who usually deferred to her wishes, stood firm. His kindness knew no limits—or perhaps it was no longer kindness, but a desperate obsession.
She felt her resolve waver.
He took her hand and pressed his lips to the back of it. His touch lingered near her ring finger, a gesture that felt uncharacteristically bold.
[Hayden] "Please."
She remained silent. She didn't have the strength to push away a man who looked her in the eyes, saw the mess she was in, and offered to carry the burden with her.
[Julian] "Your Grace."
Declan did not turn his head, even though he knew his friend and his friend's sister were following him.
He couldn't think straight. Every word Vanessa had spat at him rang in his ears like a deafening roar. He felt as though he couldn't breathe. A dull, agonizing pain throbbed in his chest, refusing to fade.
He reached his bedroom and threw the door open with enough force to shatter the wood.
[Vanessa] “I didn't expect much, but you’ve fallen even lower than I imagined.”
He could still see her eyes. Her vibrant green eyes, usually as refreshing as a deep forest, had looked withered. They were filled with a pain that mirrored his own, and worse—a sense of total resignation.
[Vanessa] “You cruel man.”
The pain intensified. It felt as if someone were slowly severing the nerves connected to his heart. He would have preferred a dozen sword wounds to this.
Vanessa knew everything.
He shouldn't have cared. He had never intended to hide his motives forever. Yet, in that moment, his heart had plummeted. It felt as if he had been shoved off a cliff into a dark, freezing ocean. He was sinking into a depth where no one could save him.
[Declan] "Damn it."
A harsh curse escaped his lips.
Lately, his moods swung several times a day violently. When he thought of how Vanessa intentionally ignored him, he was consumed by a rage that made him want to destroy everything in sight. But then, when he remembered her tears—the way they rolled down her pale cheeks—he felt paralyzed.
[Helia] "Declan!"
Helia, who had been ignored during the entire walk, finally reached the end of her patience. The fact that she dropped his formal title was proof of her fury.
[Declan] "Get out."
He didn't even look at her. He slumped into a chair and issued the command. His voice was like ice.
Helia flinched, her eyes welling with tears. She had been anxious ever since he threw the roses and stormed out of the arena.
Julian tried to hold her back, but Helia shook him off and shouted.
[Helia] "This is too much! What is wrong with you lately?"
[Declan] "I told you to leave."
[Julian] "Helia, that’s enough."
[Helia] "What is the truth about you and Lady Rohawk?"
Her sharp question twisted the already suffocating atmosphere into something lethal.
Declan, who had been rubbing his face with his hands, stopped. He slowly raised his head. His eyes were dark and wild, like a predator that would crush the bones of anyone who crossed him.
Julian quickly grabbed his sister and dragged her away before the explosion happened.
[Helia] "Brother! Let go of—"
The door slammed shut. In the silence that followed, Declan sank deeper into his own darkness. He felt like a ship crashing against a reef, or a man drowning in a swamp.
His throat felt scorched; his tongue tasted of bitterness.
[Hayden] “Let’s go to my palace.”
The memory of Hayden appearing in that private room made his blood boil. He saw her cold back as she turned away. He saw Hayden’s hand resting on her small shoulder.
A loud crash echoed through the room. Then the sound of glass shattering.
By the time he came to his senses and sat back down, the bedroom was a ruin of broken furniture and torn fabric.
A servant knocked frantically on the door, asking if he was alright. He ignored the noise. He looked around at the destruction and let out a hollow, self-mocking laugh.
[Declan] "I am no different from my mother."
He looked down at his hands. He hadn't held back, and his knuckles were torn and bloody. The blood wasn't just dripping; it was flowing in small red streams.
But it wasn't enough.
He wanted it to hurt more. More, more, and more. He wanted the physical pain to clear the fog in his mind. He wanted it to be sharp enough to drown out the suffocating anxiety that was squeezing the life out of his heart.
Ever since he heard that Vanessa had fallen in love with Hayden, he hadn't had a single moment of clarity. It was as if he were walking through a thick, gray mist.
He tilted his head back and covered his eyes with his arm. Everything was a mess.
The faint scent of blood rose from his palms.
[Vanessa] “You never loved me.”
He was sick of it. He was tired of the very word "love." Yet, every time he replayed her words, a cold shiver ran down his spine. The moment her love had detached itself from him felt so vivid.
It felt as though a piece of his own flesh had been torn away.
[Declan] “Why are you so sure that I don't love you?”
He had been more shocked by those words than anyone else. He tried to tell himself it was just a lie to manipulate her, but he knew better.
You can hide your heart from the world, but you cannot hide it from yourself.
[Declan] "..."
Is this my punishment?
The thought flickered in his mind before vanishing.
This tangled mess felt like a repeat of the nightmare he had grown up with. Slowly, he began to remember the past he usually kept buried deep within.
The Vinkart Duchy had always looked perfect from the outside.
To an outsider, they were the definition of an ideal family. There was the founder who had built an empire from dust, the brilliant Grand Duke who inherited his will, the beautiful and delicate Duchess, and the handsome heir who looked like both his parents.
But anyone who looked closer would see that they were like fruit rotting from the inside out.
Declan could define his parents in a single sentence. His father was a man consumed by a desire he could never satisfy, and his mother was a woman who could never hide her pain.
The two of them stood at opposite poles of a broken marriage.
His mother, the cherished daughter of a famous Marquis, had fallen in love with his father at first sight during a ball. She had been overjoyed to marry him, even though it meant leaving her home for a distant land.
But his father could never love her. He had been in love with another woman since he was a boy. Their marriage was a disaster from the start.
His memories of his mother were split in two. Either she was weeping like the tragic hero of a play, or she was clutching young Declan and screaming in a fit of rage.
When she wasn't doing one of those two things, she was asleep. She spent every waking moment in a state of madness.
His days were packed with training to become a worthy heir. One day, after a grueling swordsmanship lesson, he stood exhausted as his mother grabbed his arms and shook him violently.
[Duchess] "I hate you. Do you know that? Do you have any idea how much I hate you!"
He knew why. It was because he looked exactly like the man who hurt her. Whenever she looked at her son, she saw the husband who treated her with cold indifference.
Then came the slap. Declan’s head snapped to the side before he could even brace himself. He pressed his lips together, refusing to make a sound.
There was no need to cry out. He knew what would happen next.
[Duchess] "Oh... oh no. I must be losing my mind. I’m sorry. Declan, I’m so sorry..."
Realizing what she had done, she pulled him into a tight embrace. She sobbed, her fragile body shaking as she held him. Declan only stared into space and let out a silent, weary sigh.
Madwoman.
He swallowed his irritation, keeping the word locked behind his teeth.
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