Acidity of Regret Ch 75
- Jan 27
- 8 min read
Declan wore a mask of charcoal gray, a shade far deeper than her own. Yet, the color was the only thing she could perceive. She was too occupied meeting the gaze of the sapphire eyes peering through the slits of the mask to notice anything else.
Every time those blue eyes—resembling the depths of the ocean—brushed against her face, she felt a stinging heat, followed by a faint itch. Her fingers and toes curled with tension, and a cold sweat dampened her back. It was a suffocating interval. She began to wonder if the very air around them had momentarily vanished.
Finally, the rhythm of the music began to change once more. She seized the opportunity, attempting to shake off his lingering touch and switch partners in haste.
However, she was not fast enough.
[Vanessa] “W-wait—!”
Before she could even turn toward another man, he caught her wrist. He pulled her away, breaking through the orderly lines of the dance. Without knowing where they were heading, she was forced to move with him, bracing her feet desperately to keep from stumbling.
The disruption caused a wave of disgruntled murmurs to erupt from the other dancers. However, the orchestra’s performance was so loud that the complaints were quickly drowned out.
As she was dragged along, she looked back frantically for Elliot. She saw her guard attempting to reach her, only to be blocked by Declan’s subordinates. It was painfully obvious that their interference was a direct order from the Grand Duke.
After being led by the arm for a considerable distance at a near-run, she found herself on the second floor of the banquet hall. Unlike the first floor, which was as bright as midday, the second floor was dim, draped in the gloom of a late evening.
[Vanessa] “Let go of me!”
Since the banquet had only recently begun, the second floor was nearly deserted. The moment she realized they were alone, she sharply shook off his hand. Declan, who had shown her nothing but his back until now, turned to face her.
She glared at him, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Just moments ago, the ballroom had been filled with a sweltering heat and the melodic flow of music. Now, the two of them stood in a corner of the second floor, frozen in a chill that felt like the arrival of midwinter. Even with their vision narrowed by their masks, the gaze they exchanged was taut with tension.
[Vanessa] “Everything is always according to your whims... regardless of the situation or my position.”
[Declan] “…”
[Vanessa] “So? What is it this time? Have you come to interrogate me about rejecting your roses?”
Her lips trembled with fury.
He stood like a statue against the light, remaining silent for a long time. His silence only served to provoke her further. Mentioning the roses had reignited the smoldering anger she had been suppressing, sending a surge of heat through her chest.
[Vanessa] “Why did you give me those roses? What kind of scheme are you plotting now? Why are you doing this to me?”
[Declan] “…”
[Vanessa] “Why must you always...”
She had intended to ask if he was obsessed with tormenting her.
[Declan] “Because I love you.”
He spoke first, cutting off her words before she could finish. He had been silent like a criminal, but now he had struck first.
She wondered if she had misheard him. Was it a hallucination?
The answer was so unexpected it made her doubt her own hearing. Her ears seemed to have captured the words clearly, but her mind was clouded, as if a thick fog had rolled in. She could only repeat the question like someone who had lost the ability to comprehend language.
[Vanessa] “…What did you say?”
He slowly removed his mask. As the small piece of material was cast aside, his bare face was revealed. His expression was somber. She couldn't tell if it was because they were standing in a shadow or if the gloom emanated from his own emotions.
One thing was certain: his expression was not that of a man overwhelmed by the joy of confessing his love. Instead, it was tinged with the desperation of someone standing on the edge of a cliff, clinging to a final hope. With that haggard countenance, he repeated the words once more.
[Declan] “I said I did it because I love you.”
The statement left her utterly speechless.
[Vanessa] “…”
She had experienced many shocking things while dealing with him, but this was a different level of silence. It felt as if a heavy stone had been wedged into her throat. Her tongue felt paralyzed; even the slightest movement seemed impossible. It was absurd. It was staggering.
[Vanessa] “Ha...”
The first reaction to escape her frozen form was a hollow laugh. The scoff didn't end as a single burst. She pressed a hand to her forehead, letting out a series of stunned, disbelieving laughs. He remained motionless throughout her outburst. To an outsider, she might have looked like a woman who had lost her mind.
[Vanessa] “Love?”
The laughter vanished from her face as if it had been bleached away, replaced by a dry, cold gaze.
[Vanessa] “Do you even know what that means?”
[Declan] “…”
[Vanessa] “No... surely you don't expect me to actually believe that?”
[Declan] “Why can’t you believe it?”
His brazenness was beyond words. Her eyes sharpened, as if asking if she really had to explain it to him. Her glare was as fierce as if she were facing a mortal enemy.
[Vanessa] “Does giving roses mean you love someone? Then I suppose you love me, and you love Helia Quasar as well.”
[Declan] “What I gave to that woman wasn't sincere. You know that better than anyone.”
[Vanessa] “…”
[Declan] “It was for you to see. I hated the thought of you becoming indifferent toward me.”
[Vanessa] “…”
[Declan] “I wanted to see you pay attention to me, even if it was only for a moment.”
She wondered how he could say such things so boldly, without even a hint of shame, that he had used another person just to get a reaction out of her.
If he believed that such a confession would sway her, he was indeed a fool. It only served to fuel the uncontrollable rage rising within her.
It was only natural. The Vanessa of the past had been deceived and used by him just as Helia was now. Love, affection—she had been stripped of those feelings and used solely as a tool to hurt Hayden.
However, there was no need to bring up Helia now. She knew she was no different from him, considering she had used Hayden as well. More importantly, she didn't need to involve others to criticize him.
[Vanessa] “There’s no need to bring up Helia Quasar. I don’t believe in the love you speak of, nor do I want to.”
[Declan] “…”
[Vanessa] “It’s obvious this is just another scheme to get revenge on Hayden. How could I possibly believe you?”
[Declan] “It’s not.”
[Vanessa] “You’re only doing this because it looks like I’m actually going to marry him, and you’ve become desperate. You’re afraid you’ll lose something to him again, just like in the past you’ve lived through.”
[Declan] “I told you, that’s not it!”
She winced as his hands gripped her shoulders. Before she could react, she was pulled into a tight embrace, her eyes widening in shock. His warm breath fell over her ear and shoulder, much like the deluge of roses had the day before.
[Declan] “I love you.”
The emotion behind the words was raw and unfiltered.
[Declan] “Even if you don’t believe me... I love you.”
She remained in his arms for a moment, her expression vacant. It wasn't that she was touched; rather, it was because the sheer absurdity of it made her skin crawl.
The confessions she had once poured out to him, and the unforgivable acts he had committed in return, flashed through her mind like a revolving lantern. The man who had given her those wretched memories, the man who had never once responded to her love, was now confessing his feelings.
Now, of all times.
A hollow laugh bubbled up again. It felt as if her lungs were filled with a ridiculous wind, causing the laughter to leak out despite her efforts to stop. This was the only way to express her current state of mind.
[Vanessa] “After everything you’ve done... you dare to speak of love.”
Despite being the cause of the chill running down her spine, he held her with a desperate intensity. He rubbed his forehead against her shoulder as if pleading for her to understand, whispering the word "love" over and over.
The word sounded so mismatched coming from his lips that her stomach twisted with nausea. It was a pathetic sight—a man intoxicated by his own one-sided emotions.
[Vanessa] “When I wanted it so badly... you wouldn't say it even once.”
The memories of her time as the Grand Duchess, enduring his coldness in bitter solitude, leaked out like fluid from a cracked heart. Those past emotions felt as vivid as if they were happening now, stabbing at her insides.
What had she been feeling back then, when she confessed her love to him?
[Vanessa] “…I didn’t know. I didn’t know that those words had an expiration date.”
The fact that she could no longer clearly recall her feelings from that time meant that her love for him had completely faded. The once-vibrant red of her affection had been worn away by gloom and anguish, leaving nothing behind but blackened hatred and resentment.
[Vanessa] “So, I don’t need it anymore.”
Perhaps because the light was so dim, she couldn't see his face clearly. Still, she could tell he looked as if he were about to break.
[Vanessa] “I wouldn't accept your love, even if you gave it to me.”
Her voice wasn't heavy with emotion as it usually was. It was flat and matter-of-fact, as if she were simply stating a truth.
Whether his love was real or not didn't matter to her anymore. She didn't need it, and she wouldn't take it. Nothing would change by watering a wasteland and giving it sunlight.
This was the only answer she could give to his confession. She had said exactly what she felt, and she had nothing more to add. She attempted to walk past him.
[Vanessa] “Ah—!”
But, as always, he would not let her go so easily. He grabbed her wrist and pushed her against the wall in an instant. Even in his haste, he placed his hand behind her back to protect her from the impact—a gesture that only made her feel a sense of mocking irony.
[Declan] “I didn’t give you those roses with the intention of making things difficult for you.”
His breath drew closer. His eyes, mere inches away, shimmered with a desperate plea for her to understand his heart.
She curled one side of her mouth into a bitter smile.
[Vanessa] “Even if that wasn't your intention, the only result was that I suffered for it.”
[Declan] “…”
[Vanessa] “Because you gave me those roses, and because you withdrew on a whim... thanks to your selfish actions, the entire world is busy writing a very entertaining novel about the three of us.”
[Declan] “I had no choice but to withdraw.”
He reached out and removed the mask covering her face. It fell to the floor with a soft thud. It was only a mask, but she felt strangely exposed, as if she were naked. Perhaps it was because the raw emotions she had been trying to hide were now obvious.
[Declan] “Because I didn't want to give a rose to any woman but you.”
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