Acidity of Regret Ch 87
- Feb 8
- 6 min read
Her lips curled into a slow, elegant arc.
His eyes flickered with intense emotion, as if he had just witnessed a scene of overwhelming beauty.
[Vanessa] "I told you before."
Despite her lovely smile, her voice dropped like a cold stone.
[Vanessa] "This isn't love. It is merely the desperate anxiety of a man afraid Hayden will snatch something away from him again."
His persistence in stopping the national wedding—even after orchestrating a kidnapping only to release her—had a predictable motive.
It was the extension of a bitter inferiority complex rooted in his childhood. It was a childish desire to surpass Hayden. A pathetic sense of rivalry leaked from the cracks of his twisted emotions.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Vanessa defined his feelings for him, providing a clarity he lacked, and turned to leave. Or rather, she tried to.
He seized her hand. He didn't dare use force, fearing his grip might threaten her, yet his entire body stiffened with the effort of holding her gently. He knew the cruelty he had committed better than anyone.
[Declan] "No. It is love, Vanessa. Nothing else explains this."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I... I never received love, so I didn't know."
[Vanessa] "Declan."
[Declan] "I didn't know I should have cherished your kindness. I didn't realize that what I felt for you was love."
Desperate for her to believe him, he pulled her palm to his face, rubbing it against his cheek repeatedly.
Every word that seeped through his lips sounded anxious and mournful, as if he were crawling on the ground. Even now, he looked terrified that she might turn her back on him.
It was a stark contrast to his past self.
The color and nature of his emotions remained the same, but his expression had transformed as if he wore a different man’s skin.
She found it hard to believe that this man, who had always carried himself with such arrogance, could bow so low. She almost suspected he was mocking her.
[Declan] "Because I was a fool trapped in my own inferiority... because I never received that kind of love......"
Though their skin already touched, he craved more. He pressed his lips against her palm, clutching her hand as if his life depended on it.
[Declan] "I am sorry. I was wrong."
While she stood still, he became a frantic mess of nerves.
[Declan] "Please, just give me a chance to seek forgiveness."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "Could you... not do that for me......?"
How did this man fall so deep?
This man, who had reigned over her since their first meeting, was now prostrate, begging for mercy.
Memories flashed through her mind like a revolving lantern. He had trapped her in a labyrinth with no exit, raising new walls whenever she tried to find a path.
She couldn't believe the architect of her misery was doing this. Yet, unlike her cold, rational mind, her heart surged with unorganized emotions.
Perhaps these were the "disorderly feelings" her physician had warned would clutter her thoughts.
[Vanessa] "It is far too late to ask for a chance at forgiveness. You have committed too many sins against me."
They faced each other, but the meaning in their eyes differed completely. His gaze held a confession; hers held something close to indifference. She looked like someone determined to sweep away even the last shred of lingering attachment.
[Vanessa] "Even if we returned to the past and everything was undone, our problems cannot vanish as long as our memories remain vivid. From the way you made me so miserable to the child we lost to the heavens......"
His lips parted, then froze. A cautious, hesitant air surrounded him at the mention of the baby.
She couldn't understand why he acted as if he were the one being wounded when everything was his fault.
[Vanessa] "At first, yes. I thought you were a beat behind. Your confession of love, your apology—everything came too late."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "But I was wrong."
[Declan] "......"
[Vanessa] "We don't fit. That is why we keep clashing, failing, and suffering."
They were like puzzle pieces from different sets. Forcing the edges to fit only caused pain, leaving empty gaps that could never be filled. That was her experience with him: either agony or loneliness. Now that her love had withered, those were the only sensations that remained.
With every word she spoke, he seemed to sink further into the earth. It felt as if he were being forced to acknowledge every sin he had ever committed.
Yet, even now, he gripped her hand as if it were a lifeline. He knew this was his own stubbornness and vanity, but he couldn't let go.
She did not pull her hand away, offering a final mercy.
Then, she delivered the final sentence.
[Vanessa] "You must... watch my marriage to Hayden."
She felt his body jolt through his grip. Even knowing he was pushed to the very edge, she drove the blade into his heart without hesitation.
[Vanessa] "If you watch me marry him without interference... then I might believe you are sincerely sorry."
His face paled, looking more wretched than she had ever imagined. It was the face of a man whose world had collapsed. It was as if her punishment were too cruel to endure.
In truth, what she asked was simple. If he caused no further trouble, everything would end smoothly. If he didn't interfere, the national wedding would proceed without a hitch. By doing so, he could prove his sincerity.
[Declan] "Ah......"
His throat tightened, choking back his words. He shook his head while desperately clutching her hand. Jealousy clouded his vision at the mere thought.
He had raced here, possessed by the fear that she might become another man’s wife. To tell him to watch quietly was no different from telling him to die.
The source of the storm in his heart had changed. Once, it had been Hayden. Now, it was only Vanessa. Because he loved her.
If he could turn her heart back, if he could cancel the wedding, he would kneel before Hayden until his trousers wore through. He was that desperate.
[Declan] "Vanessa......"
To this foolish man, she stood like a goddess delivering a final judgment. She ordered him to suppress his agonizing heart and watch her walk toward a happy future with another.
[Vanessa] "Do you know something?"
His gaze, as dark as the threshold of hell, drifted toward her.
[Vanessa] "When we first met... even before the Rohawk family collapsed under charges of treason... I liked you."
Her voice sounded sweet yet surreal. It was a phrase he thought he would never hear from her lips again. Yet, because it was undeniably in the past tense, it made him feel utterly miserable.
[Vanessa] "You are the one who dragged our relationship to this point."
They could have taken such an easy path.
[Vanessa] "Declan, you are the one who put yourself on the guillotine and threw yourself into this abyss of despair."
He wanted to speak, but he couldn't offer a single excuse.
Her words were perfect. They could have reached each other so easily, but he was the one who had twisted and distorted the path.
He had fallen into a pit of petty inferiority and foolish denial, allowing his reason to be shackled.
He had been so incredibly dull.
Because of that, he couldn't stop her. He couldn't do anything as she drove nails into his heart with an expressionless face.
[Declan] "......"
Finally, his eyes reddened. The moment he closed and opened his eyes, transparent tracks of water rolled down his cheeks. The tears left dark stains as they dripped from his angular jaw to the ground.
Her eyes, however, remained dry. She had wept so often in the past that her heart had shriveled like a dead leaf. She didn't shed a single tear.
The cold air wrapped around them—two people whose expressions of even the most basic emotions no longer aligned.
Clink. Clink.
Silverware struck the plate.
The sound came only from Vanessa, who struggled to focus on the conversation. A knife with elegant, ornate engravings spun aimlessly in her hand, matching the glittering gold of the dining hall.
The steak on her plate was already shredded, but in her dazed state, she didn't even notice.
[Empress] "Lady Rohawk?"
She snapped out of her trance and looked up at the elegant voice across from her. The entire Imperial family was staring at her.
[Vanessa] "Yes, Your Majesty."
She lowered her knife with a sheepish smile. Embarrassment triggered a sudden cough. As she covered her mouth, Hayden, sitting beside her, looked on with concern.
[Hayden] "Are you alright? Would you like something to drink?"
[Vanessa] "No, I am fine."
The Emperor and Empress watched with satisfaction as Hayden doted on Vanessa.
Vanessa smiled awkwardly, unable to meet their eyes.
As the wedding approached, she spent more time with the Imperial couple. Today’s dinner was one such occasion. Yet, strangely, no matter where she was, her mind felt anchored to a specific moment in the past.
The day she faced Declan.
The afterimage of that moment refused to fade.
On that day, he had clutched her hand for a long time, frozen like an animal that sensed its master was about to abandon it.
He didn't let go until she, unable to endure it further, grabbed his wrist and pried him away.
The hand that seemed like it would never let go lost its strength the moment her fingertips touched him.
Vanessa had walked back into the mansion without looking back, signaling that her final mercy had ended.
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