Acidity of Regret Ch 99
- Feb 20
- 6 min read
His blue eyes, stripped of their usual menacing edge, appeared unfocused and clouded. He carried the haggard look of a man who had spent several consecutive nights awake.
She scrutinized his face before speaking.
[Vanessa] "If this is about the medical expenses, my offer still stands. If today’s incident strained your injury, send a letter to the Evarn estate and......"
[Declan] "You know that’s not what I want to talk about."
His plea sounded fragile, a desperate attempt to stop her from acting with such calculated cruelty.
[Declan] "Just give me five minutes, like last time."
[Vanessa] "......"
She couldn't fathom what words he was so desperate to utter. Yet, she knew this man; if she didn't grant him this conversation, he would haunt her footsteps indefinitely, appearing whenever and wherever he pleased. He would ask for five minutes today, then another five tomorrow.
He hadn't changed. His outward demeanor and actions had shifted significantly, but his core remained the same—he was determined to bend the world to his will. She had no intention of being swayed.
[Declan] "I won't say anything that will upset you. Just a moment......"
Upset?
She wasn't worried. Nothing he said could touch her anymore. She felt neither anxiety nor fear.
She recalled her earlier suspicion—that this man was the source of all her misfortunes. That doubt remained, fueling her desire for distance. However, she loathed the idea of appearing as if she were fleeing from him.
Why should I be the one to run?
A sudden spark of defiance flared within her.
Vanessa crossed her arms and met his gaze directly, inviting him to speak.
Surprise flooded his hazy eyes. He looked stunned by her compliance, as if he hadn't actually expected his plea to work.
[Declan] "I would prefer if we were alone."
She gave him an inch, and he immediately demanded a mile.
[Vanessa] "Just speak. Why? Is this something others shouldn't hear? If it’s that kind of secret, I have no interest in hearing it."
She cut through his greed without hesitation. His attempt to control the situation irritated her.
Declan winced at her icy response. He leaned his weight against the wall as if the effort of standing had finally exhausted him. With his head resting against the stone, he gazed at her intensely.
Several seconds passed before his lips finally parted.
[Declan] "I missed you."
She had to clench her jaw to keep her mouth from hanging open.
Her eyes darted around. Because she had refused to dismiss her entourage, many ears captured his confession.
Dina stood nearby with her mouth agape, while his knights immediately lowered their heads, feigning sudden interest in the ground.
She hadn't expected him to be so blunt. The directness of his words left her profoundly uncomfortable. Declan, however, seemed entirely unbothered by the audience.
[Declan] "The short hair suits you. You were beautiful with long hair, but this is even......"
[Vanessa] "Dina! I’m going to speak with him privately for a moment."
She waved her hands urgently, her voice rising to drown out his shameless compliments.
Dina, unable to hide her shock, scurried away. The knights of the Duchy vanished just as quickly.
Only then did she face him again.
[Vanessa] "What do you think you’re doing?"
[Declan] "That’s why I asked for us to be alone."
[Vanessa] "Ha......"
[Declan] "I’ve wanted to say that for a long time."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "Since the last time we met......"
In the sudden silence of the alley, she finally looked at him. His state was far from normal. That half-vacant stare was particularly unnerving.
While Declan clearly saw her, she doubted he perceived any other part of reality.
She was right. He was hovering on the edge of a breakdown.
He couldn't remember the last time he had slept since seeing her. The image of them sitting across from each other at the clinic replayed in his mind like a broken record.
Those moments were the only things that felt real. Her gaze, her gestures, the sound of her voice, and even the sight of her turning her back on him—he devoured every memory.
The scriptures warned priests against curiosity regarding wine and lust, for such things led to ruin. He finally understood why.
One encounter had shattered three years of carefully constructed patience like a sandcastle in a tide. He wanted to find her, kiss her, hold her, and lose himself in her.
The greed he had suppressed for three years was exploding, threatening to drag him into an abyss.
[Declan] "I considered shattering my hand even further."
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I thought that might make you meet me again."
He had spent his days staring at his bandaged left hand, entertaining violent fantasies. If the bone was broken, would she come to him if it became permanently useless?
His mind was already fractured; his neck was a mess of self-inflicted scars. What did one more broken limb matter?
Distorted thoughts looped through his brain. His logic felt severed, jumping from one obsession to the next. He only managed to function by sheer force of will, desperately taming the dark desires that burned within him.
Vanessa stared at him, her expression a mix of disbelief and disgust. His confession—glancing at his hand as if reflecting on a missed opportunity—was appalling. She let out a dry, hollow laugh.
[Vanessa] "That is the version of you I hate most."
His habit of pushing past every healthy limit was not something she could ever accept as normal.
[Declan] "...Yes, I know. That’s why I didn't do it."
Her cold mockery acted like a splash of freezing water, snapping him back to his senses. He wiped his face with his uninjured right hand. When he looked at her again, his eyes held a shard of clarity.
[Declan] "Why are you walking around without guards? I noticed it last time as well."
The sudden criticism made her tighten her fists. From his perspective, it was a concern; to her, it was an overstepping of boundaries.
She had used guards initially. Count Evarn had been meticulous about her safety. However, the county was almost eerily peaceful.
The security was excellent, and the people were simple and kind. It was a place where the thugs common in the capital simply didn't exist. That tranquility was why she loved it here.
Eventually, she felt embarrassed having knights follow her for simple walks. After six months, she asked the Count to withdraw the escort.
Two years had passed without incident. While she had heard of the bandits on Mount Siltria, she had been caught off guard, assuming they would never dare enter the village.
Moreover, her reasons were complex. The person sending her the creepy letters might be a knight from the Evarn household. She didn't want a potential harasser following her under the guise of protection.
And she had assumed a crowded festival would be safe enough. She never expected anyone to be bold enough to grab her in the middle of a celebration.
Regardless, her safety was none of Declan’s business.
[Vanessa] "You are overstepping."
She spoke with a frigid tone, drawing a hard line between them. That line cut through his heart with the same cold precision.
Vanessa braced herself. She remembered how he used to react to such dismissals. In the capital, the more she drew lines, the more violent his outbursts became.
[Declan] "...Did I offend you?"
[Vanessa] "......"
[Declan] "I’m sorry. I was only worried."
Contrary to her expectations, he reacted with uncharacteristic mildness. The tension that had spiked through her body dissipated into a hollow void. The Declan standing before her showed no trace of the man who once tried to subdue her through force.
It was strange. Unsettling.
It felt as though she were speaking to a complete stranger.
[Declan] "Are you hurt anywhere?"
She looked at him as if he had lost his mind.
[Vanessa] "You should look at your own hand before worrying about me. With your hand in that condition, what were you thinking, stepping in like that......?"
[Declan] "Now."
Still leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes and opened them slowly.
[Declan] "Are you... worrying about me?"
His voice sounded airy, like a man unsure if he was dreaming or awake.
She suppressed a heavy sigh. She couldn't understand his behavior. He acted as if he had been born again, and the sheer foreignness of it made her skin crawl.
[Vanessa] "Yes, of course."
His eyes lit up with a sudden, radiant light. It went beyond gratitude; he looked absolutely enthralled, as if lost in a beautiful dream.
She gave him a sharp, artificial smile and finished her sentence.
[Vanessa] "The faster you heal, the sooner you can vanish from my sight."
[Declan] "......Ah."
[Vanessa] "Your five minutes are up. I’m leaving."
She hadn't checked her watch; she didn't care if it had actually been five minutes. Her only goal was to shatter his delusion.
She turned her back on him without a second glance, ignoring the heavy disappointment that filled the space she left behind.
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