TSMMT Ch 120

Hidden Heart

She stared at him, her expression frozen. What could she possibly say?

The comb slipped from her fingers, clattering onto the floor.

It was a sudden confession. Or was it?

Deep down, she knew it was not sudden. Her heart hammered against her ribs.

Love? Love? Did I mishear him?

Like a single drop of ink spreading in clear water, shock slowly washed across her face.

He looked directly into her eyes.

[Guiscard] "I know. You never wanted to know this."

[Dianna] "..."

[Guiscard] "Not once did you ask me why I went to such lengths to marry you."

Her heart sank. She had asked that question endlessly, not to this Guiscard, but to the Guiscard of her past life.

He had never answered. Sometimes, he sneered that it was because he hated her. Other times, he mocked her, asking if she truly didn't know.

Guiscard buried his head in her lap, as though it were the most comforting place in the world. Dianna looked down at her husband as if observing a complete stranger. This Guiscard was someone she didn't know at all.

[Guiscard] "Dianna, you never asked me why. Not once."

[Dianna] "..."

[Guiscard] "Dammit... that was the one question you never asked."

Hearing his words, a strange understanding settled within her. As he said, perhaps she had deliberately avoided asking.

[Guiscard] "I thought of you every single day. Your face, your hair, your lips, your scent."

[Dianna] "..."

[Guiscard] "I believed that once I reclaimed everything, I could finally possess you."

He murmured in quiet penitence.

Dianna remained speechlessly stunned. She had never expected such explicit honesty. Like a hero winning a princess after slaying a dragon, Dianna Brienne had been his reward, his ultimate trophy. That was why he pursued her, and why he married her through near-abduction.

They were never meant to be together. Once master and slave, now conqueror and trophy. Though Guiscard left much unsaid, Dianna understood every nuance.

Hiding his face in her lap, he spoke quietly.

[Guiscard] "Leave."

[Dianna] "..."

[Guiscard] "Leave, and never appear before me again."

He was letting her go because he loved her. A hollow laugh escaped her lips.

Why? Why confess in this life? You could have told me in our past life.

She clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her rising sobs. Why were human hearts so tragically misaligned?

The corners of her lips twisted upward into a bitter smile, dissolving into helpless laughter. It was too absurd, too cruel.

She had already witnessed the tragic end of those feelings and chosen death as her escape.

Looking at the man who gazed back at her with piteous eyes even as he bade her farewell, Dianna couldn't bring herself to speak. She wept continuously through her bitter laughter.

Even while understanding the reason for their missed timing, the cruel irony struck her as insanely comical.

Guiscard Lodbrog loved Dianna. All along, his actions had been driven by love. Yet, years had passed, and the damage was irreversible.

In this second life, Guiscard Lodbrog loved Dianna. However, Dianna Brienne had loved the Guiscard Lodbrog of her first life.

And so, everything had gone irreversibly wrong.

---

In her first life, twelve-year-old Dianna Brienne had been ordinary in her unhappiness.

Her routine was rigid, an existence where loving anyone proved difficult. Yet, she had discovered a pitiful young boy and tended to him. At first, it was mere pity bestowed upon a wounded wild animal.

She felt suffocated by everything. Crown Prince Ferdinand, whom she was destined to marry, differed vastly from her childhood fantasies, while her family constantly demanded more from her.

In that suffocating world, only Guiscard was different. He never demanded anything from her. Accepting her kindness, he never begged for more.

Had she found comfort in him because he was a slave? Or had she viewed him as a friend?

She confided everything in him, her daily struggles, the things that tormented her. She complained about Mirva's disrespect, Emil's selfish cruelty, and the difficulty of enduring Alexa's constant whining.

Guiscard listened in his own quiet way, making her feel better each time. Dianna wished he would share his own stories, yet he remained silent.

As she grew older, she felt ashamed of pouring out her grievances to a slave enduring a grueling existence, and began concealing her inner thoughts.

With each passing day, Guiscard grew more striking. Though filthy and unkempt, the dew resting on his hair shimmered like gemstones, and the ash smudging his face couldn't obscure his refined features. She had secretly wished those crimson lips would smile at her.

Dianna wanted to protect Guiscard.

Why had a girl so gentle and submissive actively ousted Mirva, who controlled the mansion? Simply because she wanted to do one more thing for Guiscard. Without Mirva's surveillance, he could roam the estate, and she could search for the key to unlock the collar constricting his neck.

In her first life, Dianna Brienne's sole aspiration was Guiscard's smile.

She wanted him to smile, to taste a fragment of happiness. She was no clueless noble girl; she knew her family's oppression robbed him of joy.

I wish you would smile at me. I wish you would look at me. I wish you would like me. Yet, I know you live in hell. You must despise me and my house.

Still, I will do everything within my power for you. I will make your hell a place where you can breathe.

Without realizing her affection was innocent first love, the young girl devoted herself to him and ultimately set him free. Whispering through tears, she had bared her heart:

[Dianna] "Remember me, Guiscard."

Just before releasing him, she had slipped several gold coins and a letter into his pocket.

Even if you hate me a little, remember my heart.

She believed he would remember. Yet, he returned in blood-stained combat boots, obliterating her world.

Refusing to cling to him was her last remaining thread of pride. Despite Dianna's past aid, Guiscard executed her father and brother. He dragged her into hell and forced her into a humiliating marriage.

She cursed herself for feeling a surge of relief upon seeing him again. Yet, why had she accepted his vengeance against her family as justified? Beyond her personal sense of morality, a deeper part of her wished to understand him.

Dianna had witnessed Guiscard's suffering closer than anyone, weeping for his pain. Therefore, she possessed no right to object to his rightful vengeance.

I must endure my punishment until his rage subsides.

That was her conviction. Approving Mirva's return was merely accepting his punishment. Though she detested the marriage itself.

Catching glimpses of his back on rare occasions brought her a sliver of quiet joy. Even amidst such misery, after enduring so much, she remained a foolish idiot.

Her husband, her avenger, would instantly drag her into the abyss if he discovered his target derived even a moment of happiness. Thus, Dianna sealed that emotional box, burying it deep within. Masking herself behind indifference and contempt, she acted as if nothing existed inside her.

As a wife, she lived in constant misery, burdened by endless torment.

Though she refused to flee, watching Mirva executed brutally under the pretext of aiding her escape convinced Dianna never to show vulnerability to this ruthless man. Even while losing her sanity amidst agony, she watched Guiscard's back.

On rare occasions, he treated her with tenderness. During intimate moments, he gazed at her with an enigmatic expression. She had wondered whether he married her out of similar feelings.

She had foolishly hoped that once his rage burned out, he might finally smile at her.

Yet, amidst her suffering, Guiscard never took her side, turning a blind eye to her torment. When she asked why he married her, he responded only with mockery, destroying even her desperate fantasies.

Life was agonizing. Simply breathing proved excruciating. Standing precariously on the edge of a blade, she had no allies. The only man she had cherished during her noble days now despised her, while the world pointed fingers at her.

She contemplated ending her life, only to hear that her younger sister was held captive. Even then, Dianna felt a foolish sense of gratitude toward Guiscard. Preserving her sister's life was a mercy, a repayment for saving him long ago.

Though hatred burned within her, a cursed part of her heart continually sought to understand Guiscard.

I want to flee, yet I can't. I hate him, yet I do not.

Dianna fought against the world, against those who despised her, and against her own contradictions.

Like a fool.

When Saruvia announced her pregnancy, Dianna finally recognized the true nature of her hidden feelings. Listening to Saruvia outline her impending downfall, Dianna realized the true color of her heart.

She was deeply, madly in love with this man.

I lost my child, and he will not help me. He will live on with a child borne by another woman, perhaps smiling at his new wife and children.

Cold logic dictated her eventual abandonment. She never expected to be loved. Yet, she couldn't endure being cast aside.

How can I escape this nightmare without being abandoned, preserving my honor, and severing these cursed feelings once and for all?

Ah, suicide was a sweet, perfect solution. Refusing it made no sense. And so, she chose death.

Yet, Guiscard must never discover her true feelings. That was her final line of pride. Thus, she used Alexa as an excuse, though in truth, she died because she couldn't endure the future.

Guiscard smiling at her, that was all Dianna had ever desired. Even in her dying moments, that was the vision she clung to.

That was Dianna Brienne's hidden heart.

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