TSMMT SS 4

Dianna's Worry (1)

Dianna harbored a lingering worry.

She couldn't conceive. Nearly two years had passed since their wedding, yet no child was on the way. Was their marital love lacking?

No, love was far from lacking. Just recently, a physician had sternly advised her husband to show restraint after Dianna collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Their affection overflowed, perhaps even to a fault.

Remembering how hilarious it was to see a formidable king look defeated while receiving a scolding from a physician, a faint smile brushed her lips. Then, her gaze fell upon her flat abdomen, and her expression darkened.

I want to meet our child again.

Of course, the child who had failed to reach full term in her previous life wouldn't be the same one she might conceive with Guiscard now. Even so, she desperately wished to believe that a thin strand of fate still connected them.

She wanted to raise her child in a happy home, surrounded by an atmosphere entirely different from the past—a place filled with laughter. She was ready now. She was finally ready.

Dianna bowed her head, filled with gloom. Her monthly cycle had ended just a week ago.

She couldn't confide this anxiety to Guiscard. Her reasons were manifold. Above all, she couldn't pour out her grief regarding a child conceived with the past version of Guiscard—a man he regarded as a total stranger.

Though Guiscard viewed his past self as a separate entity, he still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for the sins that man had committed.

Some burdens must be carried alone. Sometimes, entirely alone...

Her vision grew blurred.

---

[Lady A] "I heard Countess Ercell is expecting!"

[Lady B] "Oh, my!"

Dianna had hosted this modest gathering of noblewomen to prevent any aristocrats from feeling excluded.

The tea party had expanded in scale, serving as a hub for various rumors. Among the chatter, news of women who had married after her becoming pregnant cut through Dianna's heart.

[Lady C] "Your Majesty, do you have any news yet?"

The sudden question caused Dianna to look up. Several women turned their heads in unison. It appeared her potential pregnancy had become a topic of interest among them. Just as she opened her mouth to respond, a smooth voice intervened.

[Guiscard] "Not yet."

Dianna turned her head toward the sound and saw Guiscard. His black hair was neatly swept back, revealing his brow and straight nose. A white coat richly embroidered with gold thread fit his toned frame impeccably, making him look dangerously attractive.

Guiscard appeared even more impeccably groomed today, drawing silent, admiring glances from everyone present. Having just entered, he gave a familiar nod to the noblewomen. Though a restrained greeting, his mere presence made hearts flutter.

[Guiscard] "My wife is delicate. Is it necessary to discuss the matter of an heir?"

The women flinched at his cold tone. A few managed strained smiles while fluttering their fans.

[Lady C] "No, Your Majesty. I was far too forward. Forgive me."

Several noblewomen offered awkward apologies. Guiscard leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Dianna's cheek.

Dianna forced a smile, though it remained slightly awkward. A pair of sunken violet eyes observed her strained expression.

---

[Logaple] "Are you troubled by something lately?"

Logaple asked cautiously. Surprised by the sudden inquiry, Dianna's eyes widened before she shook her head side to side.

[Dianna] "No, not at all."

She took a sip of her tea, her gaze drifting toward the window. Outside, a noble couple cradled an infant, their faces glowing with laughter. They were the very couple who had recently introduced their newborn to Dianna.

He followed her gaze.

[Logaple] "Could it be that you wish to have..."

She flinched. She shook her head in rapid denial.

[Logaple] "Are you suffering because of the heir issue?"

[Dianna] "It's nothing like that."

She said, her brows furrowed. She spoke as if desperately trying to deny the truth.

[Dianna] "Carrying a child wrecks a woman's body. You can't eat properly, and even moving around becomes difficult."

She recited the phrases she had heard from Alexa and Lady Kragel without even realizing it.

[Dianna] "On top of that, it creates another massive responsibility. A child when we aren't even prepared to be perfect parents? Out of the question."

[Logaple] "Pardon?"

[Dianna] "Besides, imagine how exhausting it would be to carry a child when we've barely found stability. I dislike the idea. It's far too much of a burden."

He blinked in confusion.

[Logaple] "I... I see."

[Dianna] "Worrying over a child? Preposterous! Absolutely, positively not."

Logaple nodded at her adamant words. And thus, the prelude to a grand misunderstanding began.

---

[Guiscard] "Dianna."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her. His warm body felt wonderful against the cool night air. That night, the couple shared intense passion, their bodies entwined until dawn. When Dianna opened her eyes the next morning, a shower of kisses greeted her cheeks. A faint chuckle escaped her lips.

[Guiscard] "I wanted to let you sleep longer, but I must leave for the inspection today."

Dianna nodded. In the past, Guiscard would slip away in secret while she slept. After she expressed her loneliness over it, he made a point to wake her and say goodbye every time.

Though she missed out on morning sleep, neither the one leaving nor the one staying felt abandoned. It was a routine that satisfied them both.

While Guiscard prepared himself, Dianna quickly tidied her appearance to see him off.

[Guiscard] "I will be back."

[Dianna] "Yes. Travel safely."

Guiscard would be away on inspection for the next fortnight. For a king, it was a necessary duty. Yet, being unable to see her husband even for a short while always brought a wave of loneliness.

As if sensing her thoughts, Guiscard pressed a kiss to her forehead.

[Guiscard] "I will bring you a gift."

[Dianna] "..."

[Guiscard] "You know this, right? Nothing here is more important than you. That holds true even when I am away."

[Dianna] "I know."

She offered a faint smile and nodded at his final whisper. Dawn broke, and the man departed.

Dianna watched him leave before quietly stepping back into the castle. Over the next fortnight, she had plenty of work to keep her occupied in his absence.

---

Dianna's melancholy deepened when news arrived that Lady Eirick, who had married earlier that year, was expecting. Though she offered her congratulations, her face remained gloomy.

During her first year of marriage, she had not obsessed over conceiving. It was an enjoyable wait. Once a year bled into two, however, anticipation turned into profound anxiety.

Is there something wrong with my body?

Why can everyone else conceive right away while I can't?

Am I the problem? Am I not fated to bear a child?

She knew full well that a woman's value didn't lie solely in bearing children. Lady Kragel chose not to marry at all, and Alexa had stated that even with a partner, she had no intention of having children after marriage.

Had she voiced her impatience to them, they would have offered reassurance.

Children aren't essential to life. You don't need to have a child to complete a marriage. There is no need to bind yourself to motherhood.

Yet, above all else, she wanted a child right now. Not Guiscard, but herself.

If Dianna proved unable to conceive and was deemed unfit for the role of queen, Guiscard would step down from the throne without a moment's hesitation. He had assumed the crown merely as a means to hold onto her, after all.

Wracked with anxiety, she habitually wandered into her husband's private quarters. He had given her unconditional permission to enter this room, the very one he had occupied as a prince. The books he had read and the traces of his handwriting practice remained pristine within.

Whenever Guiscard had spare time in her absence, he rested here. Sitting in an armchair surrounded entirely by his belongings.

Dianna sank into self-loathing. A heavy, somber mood weighed down her body.

Would anyone understand this impatience?

Or is this merely an unhealthy obsession?

I just want a family. A family connected to me by blood.

Am I like this because I lost my child in my past life?

Perhaps due to the pressure surrounding pregnancy, she found herself weeping frequently lately.

As she sobbed softly, her eyes caught sight of a drawer in the desk left slightly ajar.

[Dianna] "What's this?"

She knew she shouldn't pry, yet Guiscard had explicitly told her she could look through anything.

She pulled the drawer open and gasped, covering her mouth.

Inside the heavy, stiff drawer sat a cluster of small glass bottles filled with a dark green liquid. She recognized it instantly. Even before her mind could fully register the substance, a handwritten label on the bottles confirmed her fears.

It was a contraceptive potion.

Her hands trembled violently as she stared at the bottles. The potion prevented conception when ingested by either a man or a woman prior to intimacy.

Why were contraceptive potions here? Had Guiscard been taking them?

Why?

Does he not want to have a child with me?

Dianna bit her lip tightly. She reminded herself that whether Guiscard desired a child shouldn't matter.

It would hurt if he wanted one when she couldn't conceive. Yet learning that he actively avoided having a child felt revolting.

Why?

Are 'loving someone' and 'wanting to create a child together' two entirely separate matters?

And why did he never discuss this with me even once?

Does he simply want to enjoy our romance? Or does he just want to indulge in physical intimacy?

Complex, tangled thoughts dominated her mind. The reason she had failed to conceive all this time was that Guiscard had been secretly consuming contraceptive potions.

He doesn't want a child with me.