WMEEM Ch 25

Care and Effort

Only five days remained until the engagement ceremony.

My nightly lessons with Terkan moved at a slow, deliberate pace. One day focused on my neck, the next on my left shoulder, followed by my right. As long as he managed the lesson properly, I had no complaints about his timing.

Whether Batizo had warned him or he had decided on his own, Terkan left no visible marks after that night. Not even on areas covered by clothing.

His caution was clear. The hazy gaze and rough breathing from that first night had vanished. Instead, he moved with calm detachment, as if the entire process lacked even a drop of emotion.

Is an intimate night between a man and a woman always like this?

I couldn't tell whether Terkan had been abnormal that first night or if he was being abnormal now. Regardless of which was normal, my hesitation remained the same. It felt like a ritual completely drained of pleasure.

[Celeste] "Is this how it is usually done?"

His lips lingered just beneath my chin.

[Terkan] "What do you mean?"

[Celeste] "I feel like a wooden log. There is no pleasure in this at all."

[Terkan] "It is hardly meant to be entertainment."

[Celeste] "I know that. My point is whether this is just a routine act to produce an heir."

Terkan propped himself up on one arm, resting his head against his hand. Since we had moved to the bed recently, he looked down at me as I lay beside him.

[Terkan] "Do you want pleasure?"

The words I needed felt too embarrassing to say out loud, and my voice trailed off.

[Celeste] "It is not that I desire pleasure, exactly. It is just..."

Things had clearly changed since that first night. Though I didn't necessarily want him to act the way he had before, I wanted to understand why his approach had shifted.

He no longer gave instructions on where to put my arms. A kiss meant nothing more than pressing his lips lightly against mine. Brushing his mouth over other parts of my skin ended with the same quiet, brief touch.

While I understood his caution after the mark he left, lying motionless like a piece of wood felt strange.

[Celeste] "His Majesty said he dislikes my lack of experience. Do experienced women lie completely still like this too? If they do, I don't understand why these lessons are even necessary."

He pointed toward the long sofa across the bedroom.

[Terkan] "How was it over there?"

He meant the night we spent on that sofa. The night he left the mark on my neck.

Trying to describe how that felt was overwhelming, but it certainly had not felt like lying motionless.

[Celeste] "Th-That was not exactly pleasant either, but it was better than this."

A slightly different kiss. A slightly different touch. A distinct, unfamiliar flutter.

Terkan looked down at me with a faint smile.

[Terkan] "Your Highness."

[Terkan] "You know, do you not? This requires love as its foundation."

[Celeste] "Are you saying it is different when it is built on love?"

[Terkan] "It is."

His firm answer only made me more curious.

[Celeste] "How is it different?"

[Terkan] "That is something I can't teach you."

He was right. Without love between us, I could never understand it. Nor could love ever bloom between Batizo and me, leaving the true feeling of love as a permanent mystery.

I pointed toward the sofa across the room.

[Celeste] "Then what was that over there?"

[Terkan] "Care and effort. Over there, I poured out my full care and effort."

[Celeste] "Why do you not do so now?"

[Terkan] "Did you not hate it? You ordered me to stop."

That was true.

[Celeste] "It felt dangerous then..."

[Terkan] "In what way?"

What had felt so dangerous?

[Celeste] "I don't know. It just... felt that way."

[Terkan] "Did you think I would harm you, Your Highness?"

I knew better than anyone that Terkan would never hurt me. It was not that kind of danger. Yet no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't name what had frightened me.

[Celeste] "It was not that."

[Terkan] "If that is the case, may I bestow my care and effort once more?"

He lowered his arm and placed his hand gently against the crown of my head. A faint, tickling sensation swept over my scalp as his fingers brushed my hair.

He looked down at me from mere inches away. With a quiet smile, he waited for my answer.

That night on the sofa, Terkan had asked if it felt unpleasant. I had denied it then, wishing it had been simple discomfort instead of something so overwhelming.

After a moment, I nodded. Perhaps the danger I felt was not real danger at all.

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to mine. True to his promise of care and effort, he no longer held back with a faint touch.

Just as he had done that night, his lips caught mine again and again, teasing and deepening the kiss.

[Terkan] "Would it not be best if you put in care alongside me?"

I raised my arms as he guided me, draping them around his neck before closing my eyes. His warm breath parted my lips, exploring feelings I didn't even know I possessed.

My breathing turned shallow and rapid, matching the intensity of that first night. He pulled back from my mouth, trailing his lips toward the sensitive spot on my neck he had mentioned before.

He hesitated, mindful of leaving another mark.

[Terkan] "Don't worry."

He whispered the quiet reassurance.

Every time his breath brushed against my skin and pulled away, goosebumps broke out across my body, making my shoulders tense.

The heat leaving my parted lips burned just as hot as his. The fabric of my nightgown slipped off my shoulder, and he pressed his lips against the bare skin.

It was only an exposed shoulder, something he had seen before, yet tonight felt as though I were completely vulnerable.

[Terkan] "Is it not enjoyable now?"

He whispered against my ear, his voice low and husky. His rough, rapid breathing made my own pulse race. His hands moved over my nightgown with smooth, deliberate skill.

As his touch paused in one place before sliding to another, my body arched involuntarily, and I pulled his head tight against my chest.

I couldn't offer any care or effort of my own. As my body reacted on its own, clinging to him while gasping for air was all I could do.

Terkan shifted down the bed, taking hold of my ankle to massage my foot.

[Celeste] "Wh-What are you doing?"

I sat up instantly.

[Terkan] "Your feet are swollen."

[Celeste] "They swell easily in the evening."

[Terkan] "I didn't know."

[Celeste] "I suppose this is part of your care and effort too."

Terkan glanced up at me once before continuing the massage in silence. The rhythmic movement of his fingers sent a heavy tiredness settling over my limbs.

As the swelling faded, every touch against my skin felt far sharper than before.

[Celeste] "Stop now. It tickles."

[Terkan] "Your feet are extraordinarily small, Your Highness."

He spread his fingers against my foot, measuring its length against his palm.

[Terkan] "Can you even run?"

[Celeste] "Of course. I can do anything."

He took hold of both my ankles.

[Terkan] "It feels as though the slightest pressure would snap them."

[Celeste] "They will not snap. When Raff..."

I caught the name as it slipped out, pausing before forcing my tone to stay casual.

[Celeste] "I survived even when he beat me without mercy."

[Terkan] "Your ankles, your wrists, even your neck. You are far too fragile."

[Celeste] "It is typical for people from Calyx."

[Terkan] "Even for Calyx, you are fragile beyond reason."

[Celeste] "It doesn't stop me from living. I do everything required of me."

Terkan lowered his head and pressed his lips against my ankle.

Startled, I tried to pull back, but his firm grip kept me still. As his lips moved slowly upward, I tried to pull away again, only for him to offer quiet, soothing words.

He pressed his mouth to my knee.

[Terkan] "That man..."

He was talking about Raff.

[Terkan] "Grinding him to dust and drinking him down wouldn't satisfy my anger."

[Celeste] "It is not that severe."

Though I had wanted to kill Raff countless times, grinding him to dust held no appeal to me.

Terkan kissed my other knee before sliding upward to face me.

[Terkan] "I meant for myself, not you."

[Celeste] "Pardon?"

[Terkan] "Grinding him to dust wouldn't be enough to satisfy my own rage."

Why would Terkan say something like that when he has no connection to Raff?

[Celeste] "Why would you….. mmph."

Terkan covered my mouth with his, cutting off my question.

I decided to ask him after he finished, but he showed no intention of stopping. As the kiss deepened, my mind drifted into a haze.

So even without love, pouring in care and effort creates a result like this.

Batizo suddenly crossed my mind. When the long kiss finally ended, I looked up at Terkan.

[Celeste] "Even if I lack experience, if I put in my full care and effort, His Majesty will feel satisfied as well, right?"

Terkan narrowed his eyes as he looked down at me.

Did his silence mean it would be difficult?

[Celeste] "Will it be difficult?"

[Terkan] "If you work diligently over the remaining days, perhaps."

[Celeste] "Understood. Then I will work hard—mmph!"

He captured my lips once more. It was rougher than any kiss before, carrying a strange intensity of its own, and I gave myself over to it completely.

A sudden dizziness made me feel as if I were plunging into an abyss while soaring at the same time. Terrified of where it led, yet longing to reach the end.

Care and effort. It was a remarkable thing.

---

[Batizo] "Are your lessons going well?"

I set my spoon down at his question.

[Celeste] "Yes, Your Majesty."

He was receiving reports from Terkan anyway, so I couldn't understand why he bothered asking me directly.

[Batizo] "Are the lessons difficult?"

[Celeste] "I enjoy them. Everyone treats me with kindness as well."

[Batizo] "Is Terkan teaching you properly as well?"

He meant the wedding night lessons.

[Celeste] "Yes. I am striving to ensure I don't embarrass Your Majesty."

[Batizo] "I see."

I picked up my fork again, but the food felt heavy, so I pushed it around my plate before giving up entirely.

Batizo watched me and asked if I had lost my appetite, but I shook my head softly.

In truth, he looked far less inclined to eat than I did. Haggard and pale, his complexion resembled that of a sick man. A faint sheen of cold sweat glistened against his skin.

He looked as though he wanted to say something more, yet he remained silent, drinking glass after glass of wine.

After finishing three glasses in rapid succession, he summoned an attendant.

[Batizo] "Bring it in."

His voice carried its usual power, completely at odds with his exhausted face.

Two attendants struggled as they carried a massive object forward. They strained under the weight, proving how heavy it was even for two strong men.

They set a brilliant, enormous chest down before me. Large enough to hold a grown person. Gems encrusted the entire lid, and all four sides gleamed with golden radiance.

Is the whole thing made of solid gold?

[Celeste] "What is this?"

[Batizo] "A jewelry box. Use it to store the rings and gifts I gave you."

He must have remembered my offhand comment about my old jewelry box overflowing.

[Celeste] "Your Majesty, such a magnificent jewelry box for me..."

He cut off my attempt to say it was too much.

[Batizo] "If you hate it, give it to someone else."

[Celeste] "I don't hate it. It just looks extraordinarily expensive."

[Batizo] "You worry far too much about my wealth. Doing it once out of ignorance is fine, but repeating it feels like disrespect."

His face darkened with displeasure, and I offered a quick apology.

[Celeste] "I am sorry. I will accept it with gratitude."

[Batizo] "You should have done so from the start."

[Celeste] "Thank you."

My gratitude was real. Not because of the lavish chest, but because he had actually thought of me.

My frustration over the wedding night lessons softened slightly. Still, it was likely just another delusion on my part, so I pushed any deeper expectations aside.

[Celeste] "I have never seen a jewelry box made of solid gold before. Nor one this large."

Keeping this kind of distance between Batizo and me didn't feel terrible. Him preparing gifts when he happened to think of me, while I found quiet joy in returning the gesture. It felt like a comfortable arrangement.

My voice sounded lighter than before. Perhaps sensing the shift, his mood brightened as well.

He tilted his head, glancing sideways at the chest.

[Batizo] "Is it made of gold?"

He didn't even know what materials were used for his own gift. In fact, he seemed completely unfamiliar with how it looked.

[Celeste] "It appears to be gold, but... my knowledge is limited. The only gold I have seen is what I witnessed here in Kellinev."

[Batizo] "Ask Terkan later. He will tell you."

[Celeste] "Terkan?"

[Batizo] "He bought it."

Something inside me shattered to dust.

It was not a gift Batizo had bought while thinking of me at all. The rings he had given me before were likely the same. All chosen and prepared by Terkan.

Was the ring he claimed to have found even picked up by Batizo himself?

It would have been better if he had given me nothing at all. But then again, he was not a man capable of thinking about such subtle details. Ordering lessons for our wedding night proved that much.

The tiny sliver of hope I held, thin as dust, vanished completely. Unwilling to let him see my disappointment, I forced an awkward smile.

He ordered the attendants to carry the box to my quarters, then scratched his chin.

[Batizo] "Do you no longer... do that?"

[Celeste] "Do what?"

[Batizo] "That..."

[Celeste] "Yes?"

[Batizo] "Forget it."

[Celeste] "Please tell me."

Refusing to say the words, Batizo drained another glass of wine.

Most of the food on his plate remained untouched once again. No matter how broad his frame or strong his build, living on alcohol alone would destroy his health in no time.

[Celeste] "Are you feeling unwell?"

I didn't ask out of concern for him, but strictly out of self-preservation. If he fell bedridden before I achieved my goals, everything would fall apart.

His lips twitched. He opened his mouth a few times before downing yet another glass of wine.

[Batizo] "...I am fine."

[Celeste] "You look unwell."

[Batizo] "It is just insomnia. When I finally sleep, nightmares..."

Thud!

Batizo collapsed sideways without warning.

I rushed to his side, cradling his head just after it struck the hard floor.

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