Acidity of Regret Ch 43
- Jan 3
- 8 min read
Vanessa had never spent much time dwelling on what lay beyond death. Perhaps she was no different from anyone else in that regard.
After all, life after death is a realm that remains beyond the reach of human knowledge. One hopes that the destination reached after a long journey is not too arduous.
But when she finally opened her eyes again...
She found herself in a space so ethereal it defied imagination.
Her first impression was simply 'white.' The place was so pristinely snowy that she could think of no other word. It was also blindingly bright, forcing her to knit her brows.
She raised a hand to shield her eyes, only then realizing she was sitting in a chair. The seat itself was so white it seemed to dissolve into the surroundings; she hadn't even recognized it as furniture. It was an absurd, surreal space.
She sat in a daze, wondering if this was the 'Heaven' spoken of in the temples, before her hand drifted instinctively to her throat.
To her surprise, the searing agony that had burned like a wildfire was gone without a trace. Knowing her wound couldn't have healed itself, the suspicion grew that this was not reality.
Am I in Heaven?
[Woman] “Hello.”
The voice arrived abruptly. It was so gentle and melodic that one might have mistaken it for a song.
Vanessa looked up.
Someone had appeared in the space where she had been alone just moments ago. A woman with golden hair exactly like her own stood across from her.
She was a stranger, yet her face felt hauntingly familiar.
Vanessa studied her intently, searching for a name to attach to the face. The woman watched her back, wearing a smile that felt as soft as a spring breeze.
[Woman] “Do you recognize me?”
The low voice drifted across the void.
Vanessa stared at her for a long while before slowly shaking her head. The face was familiar, yes, but she couldn't place it.
[Woman] “Rohodre.”
The woman’s rose-red lips parted as she uttered a single word, confident it would be recognized. It was a name that required no deep thought.
It was the name of the Goddess whom the Rohawk family had served for generations.
The reason her face felt like that of an old friend was simple: she looked exactly like the statue enshrined in the private chapel of the Rohawk estate.
Had this been the real world, Vanessa might have dismissed her as a mere look-alike, but in this ethereal situation, she could not afford to be skeptical.
Before her stood a goddess who belonged to ancient legends.
[Rohodre] “So, Vanessa. Was your revenge a success?”
Vanessa had no time to process the shock of meeting a deity of myth.
The woman who called herself a goddess spoke again, addressing her by name.
[Vanessa] “Revenge?”
[Rohodre] “You wanted to make that man suffer, didn't you?”
The Goddess spoke as if she were intimately acquainted with every detail of her life.
[Vanessa] “How do you know that?”
[Rohodre] “Because I have been watching you.”
[Vanessa] “...”
[Rohodre] “I enjoy watching humans. You never behave quite as I expect. Unlike me, who is devoid of emotion, you act differently based on the feelings of the moment. That is why you made such an absurd attempt, isn't it? Because you loved that man. You trusted him more deeply than anyone, and you relied on him entirely.”
Rohodre laid bare her inner thoughts with divine precision. Feeling as though her soul were being scrutinized, Vanessa instinctively clutched at her chest.
The Goddess gave a light, tinkling laugh, as if reading her very gesture. Though her statues portrayed her as solemn and elegant, her actual personality seemed quite spirited.
[Rohodre] “Well? What is your answer? Do you feel your revenge succeeded? You wanted to leave him with a wound he could never forget.”
[Vanessa] “...I am not sure.”
[Rohodre] “And why is that?”
[Vanessa] “I simply do not know what happened after I closed my eyes.”
She had wanted to see Declan’s face twisted in agony; she had wanted to see that arrogant man crumble.
Sacrificing her life to see it was a steep price, but to someone who no longer wished to live, it had felt like a bargain.
However, the final moment had been more painful than expected, and the time she had been given was too short. She hadn't had the chance to see if his expression became a wretched sight to behold, or if he had actually fallen apart.
[Rohodre] “Is that so? Shall I show you?”
Rohodre asked in a casual tone and waved her hand through the air. The white space around them began to bleed into different colors.
A scene unfolded before them, vivid and detailed.
[Rohodre] “This is exactly what happened after your death.”
The Goddess’s voice was disturbingly pleasant as she spoke of the gruesome scene.
[Vanessa] “...”
Vanessa was breathless.
The landscape before her was the terrace where she had chosen to end her life. She stared blankly at herself—the Vanessa who lay slumped over, covered in blood.
Her body was limp as a rag doll, her face pale and devoid of life. Her ivory dress was stained a deep, dark crimson, as if it had always been red.
They say no one gets to see their own face with their own eyes during their lifetime, yet here Vanessa was, facing herself.
She shifted her gaze. A pair of large hands, stained dark with blood, held her cooling body firmly. Looking up, she saw... Declan, clutching her stiffening form as if she were a precious doll.
[Rohodre] “What do you think?”
Vanessa could not find the words to answer the Goddess.
Through her now-clear vision, Declan’s face appeared more ravaged than she had ever imagined.
The vision created by the Goddess had no sound. Yet, even in silence, it was obvious he was not in his right mind. He was screaming at the servants gathered around them, his trembling hands repeatedly stroking her body.
[Vanessa] “...Declan.”
Vanessa could not tear her eyes away from his face. His cheeks were drenched, slick with tears—a sight she had never seen.
Declan was weeping.
He was actually crying.
The sight was so surreal that, even seeing it with her own eyes, she could hardly believe it. She almost wondered if the Goddess was showing her a false vision.
If it was so hard to believe, she could have looked away and asked, but she found herself unable to turn her head. A strange emotion surged from deep within her.
[Rohodre] “Why are you crying?”
It was only when Rohodre asked the question that she realized she was weeping as well.
But the reason was likely different. She felt sorrow, a sense of injustice, and...
...Resentment.
[Vanessa] “Why...?”
She had wanted him to experience it. She had wanted him to be broken, just as she was.
She had witnessed the deaths of her father and Elliot right before her eyes, and she had desperately wanted him to feel, even just once, the despair that had crushed her.
For that purpose, she had decided to offer up her death as a beautiful sacrifice.
But...
[Vanessa] “Why is he crying...?”
He shouldn't have been able to cry so easily.
She likely wasn't precious enough to him to cause such despair. But considering how he had shackled her so she could never escape, she must have held some sliver of meaning to him—whether as a doll or a tool for his plans.
Therefore, he shouldn't look so hopeless just because such a thing had vanished from the world.
He should have been consumed by rage, realizing that she had escaped to a realm where his commands could no longer reach.
If he were to show such a broken expression, it should have been because of a blow she dealt to his pride while she was still alive to witness it.
It felt wrong to see him mourn so deeply over a life she had discarded so easily.
[Vanessa] “...”
Strangely, she felt no sense of relief. She had thought that seeing a crack in that handsome man's mask would soothe the lump in her chest. Instead, it only felt more stifling, as if something else were piling up inside her.
Because her heart was not at peace, she felt a wave of regret.
[Vanessa] “This is strange.”
[Rohodre] “What is?”
[Vanessa] “I know I wanted to see him broken, but...”
She had thought that if her revenge succeeded, it would be spectacular and beautiful. But the sight of herself, growing stiff in Declan’s arms, was nothing but pitiful.
There was only one person's death. A death so misserable it required no adjectives like 'beautiful' or 'spectacular.'
[Vanessa] “I don't feel any relief at all...”
Did she really have to end this revenge with her own death?
When she had held the blade to her throat, she had been confident that her life was worth losing. But now that it had come to this, she regretted choosing suicide as her method.
If she had known her end would look so miserable...
[Rohodre] “It was the method of revenge you chose.”
[Vanessa] “...I suppose so.”
Vanessa brushed the tears from her cheeks.
What was the point of regret now? She was dead, and she had ended up in this mysterious place.
The Goddess watched her for a long time. Then, with a faint smile, she spoke.
[Rohodre] “Do you regret it?”
[Vanessa] “Regret what?”
[Rohodre] “Anything and everything.”
Rohodre continued to ask vague, elusive questions. Even more peculiar was that Vanessa found herself dwelling on them. The word 'regret' echoed in her mind.
Finally, she whispered in a hoarse voice.
[Vanessa] “I don't think... There has been a single moment I haven't lived in regret.”
It wasn't just about choosing to die in front of Declan.
She regretted not doing something when her father died.
She regretted not trying harder to escape the slave auction.
She regretted not telling Elliot to run and leave her behind.
She regretted not doing something back then.
In a life that had suddenly become so turbulent, regrets overflowed at every turn.
[Rohodre] “Is that so?”
[Vanessa] “Yes.”
[Rohodre] “Then, if I gave you another chance, are you confident you could live without regret?”
Vanessa looked at the Goddess with faded green eyes, confused by the nonsensical offer.
[Rohodre] “You see, Vanessa, you were born to be a being I bestowed my love upon. The ringing of the bells at the Stenen Temple was the sign of that.”
[Rohodre] “I watch humanity through you, and in return, you receive my favor. It isn't pleasant for me to see you meet such an end. It makes the love of a goddess seem quite poor, doesn't it?”
[Vanessa] “...What are you saying?”
[Rohodre] “Therefore, I intend to be generous and grant you one more chance.”
[Vanessa] “A chance?”
[Rohodre] “Yes. Regarding the man who brought you to this state.”
The Goddess paused for a beat.
[Rohodre] “I will send you back to the time before you met him.”
[Vanessa] “...What?”
[Rohodre] “I am saying I will turn back time to before your tragedy began.”
Vanessa blinked slowly.
Ah, I must be having an absurd dream.
It couldn't be anything else. It was ridiculous enough that the woman called herself a goddess, but now she was talking about turning back time. It was utterly preposterous.
[Rohodre] “I have lost too much with your death. The ancient family that served me has fallen, and you—the human who was to prove my love—committed suicide and came before me.”
[Vanessa] “...”
[Rohodre] “I am merciful. So, I will give you a chance. The choice is yours.”
[Vanessa] “...So, what you are saying is...”
Her head throbbed with confusion.
If this was a dream, was it a lucky omen or a nightmare?
Even if she couldn't tell which it was, there was one thing she had to ask.
[Vanessa] “Does this mean I can see my family again?”
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