Acidity of Regret Ch 94
- Feb 12
- 6 min read
Reliving the raw desperation of the time before the regression—an even deeper, more soul-crushing despair—he often found himself frantically pulling a body down.
The corpse never yielded a single breath; it remained utterly frigid. He cradled the slight figure, his mind a whirlwind of denial.
No, she isn’t dead. She can’t be.
His heart turned to stone, freezing as if her icy temperature had seeped into his own blood.
A dark pessimism flooded him, tempting him to discard his own life, for what meaning did a world without Vanessa hold?
[Vanessa] "Why are you crying?"
As he gasped for air, nearly losing his grip on sanity, an ice-cold hand would stroke his jaw. Despite the lack of warmth, the presence felt undeniable. He would lift his head to find Vanessa, her eyes a terrifying, uniform crimson—no white, no iris, only blood.
[Vanessa] "You’re the one who killed me."
[Declan] "I’m sorry. I’m so sorry."
[Vanessa] "We cannot exist in the same world. If you don't die, I will."
[Declan] "Then I will die. I’ll die in your place, so please, don't do this."
Nothing he owned mattered; his entire existence narrowed down to saving her life. Only after he offered his very soul did the corners of her mouth curl into a smile, as if she finally heard the answer she desired.
Yet that smile brought no peace. A haunting chill radiated from her, the mark of a departed soul.
Despite her crumbling form, her sharp, piercing gaze remained fixed on him. It demanded proof. It dared him to demonstrate the resolve to die in her stead right then and there.
So, he would move his hand toward his own throat......
Whenever he woke, he found the skin of his neck shredded, a gruesome testament to his cruel, subconscious vow. He felt no physical pain. The agony of his heart, however, remained unbearable.
The childhood trauma of his mother’s death had left a lethal wound; Vanessa’s death in the previous timeline had driven a nail into that same scar. The jagged metal sat deep within him. It was a trauma so profound that pulling the nail out would cause a hemorrhage so severe it would surely kill him.
Nights with his mother were exhausting; nights with Vanessa were terrifying. The former brought fatigue; the latter brought pure horror.
The moment he blinked, reality and dreams blurred.
Suspicion gnawed at him, making him wonder if Vanessa harbored dark thoughts—if she intended to commit the same horrific act she once did.
Caught in a vice of uncontrollable anxiety, he couldn't stay in the Duchy. His mind threatened to fracture unless he confirmed her safety immediately.
So, despite telling her he wouldn't seek her out, he shamelessly purchased a villa and lingered nearby. He did it to survive. He did it just to breathe.
In this place, Declan experienced both agony and bliss simultaneously.
The subconscious torment of his nights never waned, yet seeing Vanessa reclaim a whole, vibrant life brought him joy. If his own misery served as the price for her happiness, he would endure it a thousand times over.
Unable to show himself, he hid in the shadows of windows, watching her and frantically searching for relief.
Ah, she is still alive today. That thought was his only solace.
[Carter] "My Lord."
[Declan] "What could physicians possibly do? They would only prescribe a few sleeping pills and drone on about the necessity of rest."
[Carter] "......"
[Declan] "I brought this upon myself. I should be the one to bear it."
It was the simple truth. He had driven Vanessa into the depths of hell until she turned a blade against herself.
Even after returning to the past, he had foolishly kicked away the chance to earn her forgiveness. He had trampled and uprooted the very courage she needed to live again. The regret nearly drove him mad.
This pain was the debt he owed for his sins.
[Carter] "I will prepare the sleeping draught just in case."
Carter spoke softly, looking at his master’s gaunt profile before turning toward the door.
[Carter] "Ah, also, the market opens tomorrow."
Declan, who was gnawing on an unlit cigar, paused.
In this county, which bordered a small port, a massive market opened every few weeks. Over the course of three years, he learned that she always ventured out on those days.
He had promised not to seek her out. Consequently, he had lived like a ghost, hiding so well that not a single strand of his hair was ever seen. If he had to move, he did so under the cover of night.
It was a struggle. Not because of the inconvenience, but because of a much more fundamental problem. Every time he watched her pace the shoreline, a primal urge to approach her surged within him.
He wanted to grasp her slender hand, brush back her golden hair, and press a kiss to her cheek. But as a man with no right to appear before her, those remained impossible fantasies.
He knew his place. He had no right to hope for such things. But greed is a bottomless well, and Declan remained a prisoner to the longing to see her just a little—just a fraction—closer.
The market offered his only opportunity. It was the one time he could hide in the crowd and watch her from a closer vantage point.
[Declan] "......Heh."
A dry laugh escaped him. His situation was pathetic.
But what of it? Let it be wretched and shameful. He didn't care if a passerby pointed a finger in disgust.
As long as he could watch over her.
Forgiveness had become a dream he no longer dared to chase. He simply wanted to see her find a modicum of happiness.
And since severing ties with him, her face seemed to have regained the radiance it possessed before they ever met. That fact was bittersweet, yet it brought him a strange peace.
Declan reached out toward the window, anticipating his first outing in a long time. His fingertips touched her distant silhouette through the glass. But the surface felt frigid against his skin, a stark reminder of the distance between them.
Winter inevitably follows the death of autumn. The air had turned so biting that fingertips froze without gloves. Yet, the atmosphere stretching from the small port to the village entrance remained as heated as midsummer.
Vanessa pushed back her hood and surveyed her surroundings.
Evarn County.
Three years had passed since she first arrived. The tranquil, idyllic scenery, largely unchanged, colored her vision.
Three years ago, when she asked to leave the capital, Count Rohawk had contacted his old friend, the former Count of Evarn. The former Count had readily agreed, noting his loneliness since his eldest son—the current Count—and the rest of the family resided in the capital.
At first, the bustle of Evarn surprised her. It stood in stark contrast to the refined silence of the capital. But time had rendered the noise familiar. The shouts of merchants, the bustling crowds, the quickened breaths of the shoppers—it all blended into the air she breathed.
[Dina] "Oh, My Lady! Look at those hair ornaments. Shall we see?"
Dina’s eyes sparkled as she scanned the stalls. Elaborate gems decorated the accessories lined up at the end of the row. Vanessa stood before the stall, only then remembering the state of her own hair.
[Vanessa] "My hair is too short for those now."
[Dina] "It’s such a shame. I still can’t believe you cut that beautiful golden hair so suddenly."
Dina pouted, likely picturing Vanessa’s hair, which now barely grazed her shoulders.
Vanessa laughed; the maid looked as though she had lost her own hair.
Dina grinned, enjoying Vanessa’s laughter, and teased her playfully.
[Dina] "It won't stay short forever. It will grow back in time. Why not buy a few for later?"
[Vanessa] "......They are beautiful."
The merchant, sensing an opportunity, began a vigorous sales pitch.
By the time she snapped out of it, Dina clutched a package containing half a dozen ornaments.
Vanessa wondered if she had wasted the allowance her father sent from the capital, but Dina’s bright smile made the expense feel justified.
They continued their tour of the stalls.
Neigh!
A sudden, violent noise erupted from behind. Vanessa and Dina spun around.
[Unknown] "Look out!"
Someone screamed as a riderless horse bolted through the crowd toward them.
[Woman] "Ah!"
[Man] "What is that?"
[Unknown] "Don't push!"
The crowded thoroughfare dissolved into chaos instantly. Everyone tried to scramble backward to avoid the panicked beast, but the sheer volume of people made escape impossible. Limbs tangled; the crowd’s formation shattered.
[Dina] "My Lady! Oh!"
Dina tried to grab her and pull her into a corner, but the packages in her arms caused her to miss Vanessa’s hand by a hair’s breadth.
Vanessa stumbled, buffeted by the shoulders of the panicked crowd.
Neigh!
Suddenly, the beast’s roar exploded right in front of her. The brilliant sunlight seemed to dim as a massive shadow pressed down on her vision. A colossal horse reared up before her.
Deadly hooves were prepared to strike.
[Vanessa] "Ah......!"
She knew she had to move, but the threat paralyzed her. She stood frozen.
Just as she squeezed her eyes shut, a hand shot out and yanked her back. The force was urgent and powerful, causing her to collapse like a broken doll.
She felt no pain. A broad chest had already pulled her into a tight, protective embrace.
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